Joke of the Day

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below…

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

It's Official

Summer is not over yet, it's true; and we've got at least two more weeks until Labor Day (and the whole "Summer's Over" is truly though)--but I have to say: This has been the best summer ever.

Summer 2007 started out with a bang: Pirates of the Caribbean 3 came out May 25, and I went to a sneak peek the night before of it. It was possibly my favorite movie of the three (though it's a close call, since I do adore the first movie so much and have watched it a hundred times.) I've only been able to watch POTC3 twice so far.

My next summer obsession was Harry Potter, both the 5th movie and the last and final installment in the books. My Harry Potter partners-in-crime went with me to a Harry Potter feast in Kansas City (which was admittedly lame, but fun because of the company). The movie rocked--and we think it might be the best movie of the series so far. My friend Pam and I now have unhealthy obsessions with characters from the movies: Pam (Lucius Malfoy) and me (Sirius Black). Admittedly I had a bit of a crush on Sirius in the book at first (I've always liked handsome, arrogant black-haired men)--but Gary Oldman does a good job. And he has tattoos!

I was quite relieved, when a week later, I got my book of the last Harry Potter, and I read it cover to cover. I was not going to have to burn my books in a fit of rage. All ended well.

Then a week after that I was set to go on vacation (my first real vacation in 6 years)--and I flew out to Virginia to meet fellow writers and Bon-Bons, Terri & Tiff. It was the best vacation ever! (The IPod 9th-Circle-of-Hell Incident notwithstanding.) Now I'm having to come off a high of where men actually know I exist...and flirt with me...and go back to work. *pouts* Oh, well, there is still a chance to look for jobs in Virginia. I've always liked Virginia, since I went to Washington, D.C./Arlington/Alexandria; and I love it even more now. It's beautiful like Missouri...but with an ocean. Plus there are sailors, which I find far more fascinating than farmers.

Now...it's back to the old grindstone. Edits to make on my novel. A query letter to write; and agents to beg. Oh, and my 8-5 job too. (And by the way, has anyone watched the extras on The Notebook and wanted to slap Nicholas Sparks? I mean, he's the NICEST guy...but I still want to slap him. Is it just me? AND has anyone seen the deleted scenes on The Notebook? HOLY COW. The alternate sex scenes are...OMG! I don't understand how I can love that movie, but not like the book. Does anyone else feel this way? I mean, aren't you supposed to like the book more? Maybe it's Ryan Gosling...Yeah...I think it's Ryan Gosling NAKED in the movie...)

I'm shallow. What can I say? Oh, and that bit where he yells at her that she's a pain in the ass but he wants to be with her anyway. *sighs longingly*

Flight of the Innuendo

Admittedly I was a bit depressed to be leaving Virginia and all its fine, fine scenery--and it was a very sad, Paxil popping Hellion who checked onto her flight to Missouri. I had "C" boarding, and I talked to this charming fellow who talked incessantly about the last flight he took that got struck by lightening three times and nearly crashed the plane.

I chose not to sit next to him.

However, since it was Southwest, and it was "general seating", I looked for a place to sit. Around the mid-part of the plane, there were two cute guys sitting, with the seat between them--and being I love cute guys, I asked if I could sit there. The aisle seat one jumped up obligingly and I sat.

They were not chatty. Enter more depression. I was thinking fondly of my Y108 guy...and Mark the Merchant Marine...and I thumbed through my magazine as I was ignored. Finally while up in the air (after I ran out of magazine--damnit), I broke down and talked to the young one on my right. (The guy on my left was very unchatty. I thought, well, maybe he doesn't want to be bothered.) So the young one and I talk for about 15 minutes or so. We get our snack and drink; the guy on my left doesn't even get a drink. How can you not get a drink?

The guy on my left SO doesn't want to chat, he brings out a crossword puzzle to ignore me. So I keep bothering the youngun on my right. Then finally I notice Crossword Guy is struggling...and I see a clue I know. I lean over, run my hand down the section of the page, and say, "This one is 'Grisham'."

He looks at me. I know. I've broken the cardinal rule, right, but I figure, well, screw it. He'll change planes and never have to see me again. "No, really, it's Grisham. See." He does.

"Thank you." He scribbles it in. And then it was on. We worked the crossword puzzle together. I've never had more fun working a game in my life. At the end, we're stuck...and I say, "Well the answers are on 230."

He gives me a horrified look. "We can't CHEAT." You would have thought I asked him to kill somebody.

"Yes, you can."

But we didn't cheat. We finish; we revel in our brilliance...and then because there is another 20 minutes of flight, I say, "Hey, let's start the next one."

"No, that's too hard."

"Oh, come on, what are we going to do for the rest of this flight? We can at least try...and if it's as hard as you say, we'll cheat."

And boy, did we ever cheat! We cheated like four times in as many minutes within the start of the puzzle. I started giggling madly. "OMG, cheating's bad. Once you start cheating, you just can't quit doing it."

Crossword Guy gaped at me. "I can't believe you just said that out loud!"

I laughed again. "I don't care. It's not what it sounds like..."

"I know!..."

And so it was on. The Flight of the Innuendo. We tossed back and forth really bad puns for the rest of the flight...and he decided, once he realized I too was flying to St. Louis he would take the magazine and we'd finish it on the next flight. He followed me off the plane. "I'm keeping close to you. You're the other half of my brain."

I know. I laughed hysterically too at that.

I go to the bathroom; I return to call Jackie--and I promptly tell her about Jack, from Colonial Williamsburg. "He was the best thing about this trip!" I gush, because, well, he was. I get off the phone, and Crossword Guy says, "You didn't hear me, did you?" I shook my head. "I'm the best thing to happen to you on this trip." Oh, boy.

"You're the best thing to happen to me today. I was living in the past, you see...what are we going to do now to kill time?"

THEN our flight gets delayed. Yes, Fate says, "Hey flirt with this guy..." and I do...like mad. He buys me some food and a drink. I even spit on him--which I've really got to stop doing to guys. He calls his buddy--and says he'll be late...but he doesn't tell the truth. He doesn't say, "Because our flight has been delayed..." No. He says:

"I met this redhead on the plane." There is a pause as the friend asks a question, and I'm blatantly listening...and Crossword Guy's eyes flick over me in this rake-Once-Over, then he grins and goes, "Yeah." OMG, he just told that guy I was hot! I've never been hot in my life! "Gotta go, I'm busy," he says and hangs up. Then he shares a laugh with me. "That's going to tear him up."

More innuendos. We line up for our flight--because we obviously want to sit together. We're standing next to this cute little chicky-poo who suddenly says, "You guys are so friendly and cute! How long have you been married?"

I know. I laughed hysterically at that too.

Finally after exchanging a look with him, I say, "We're not married. I'm returning from vacation; and he's returning from business. We met on the last flight--I don't even know his name."

Chicky-poo gapes at us. "You're kidding! You guys acted totally married!"

Crossword Guy grins. "I told you my name was George Jetson." I roll my eyes with Chicky-poo.

Then Chicky-poo, Bless Her Heart, says, "Hey, you're Jeff!"--and points to his boarding pass. Yes! Finally!

"And you're Cathy," I say, because I noticed hers earlier...and then I had to reveal my name...which Jeff then made a Stripes reference, in regards to my name. Nice.

So Cathy, Jeff, and I sit in the last row of the plane and finish the crossword...and Jeff & I still flirt...and it's 10 pm (an hour and a half PAST when I was supposed to come in), and...Jeff helps me collect my luggage...well, he takes me to the luggage...and I'm on the phone with my ride...and he bids me farewell. *coughs*

Did I get his number? No. Did I give him my number? No.

I should be taken out and shot. Seriously.

P.S. Weekend Update

I am *so* drunk.

How many of my stories have started with these infamous four words? Not nearly enough. It's 2:45 am, and I've had at least 4 rum runners (none of which I paid for), and I have to say:

1. I love Merchant Marines. *rebel yell* Go, sailors!

2. I love 108 FM. I think there was a "point" something too, but devil if I remember what his shirt said. I wasn't faced that way when we danced. *cough* Yes, danced. Damn, he was pretty. Dark eyes with killer lashes; short dark hair; cute, cute, cute!

3. Yeah, for the Vin Diesel look alike. Hell, it might have been Vin...but if so, he wasn't nearly as persuasive as 108 Guy. (NOT that was 108 Guy was totally persuasive. You can take the girl out of the church, but you can't take the church out of the girl. *pause* Damnit. Because if you COULD....)

4. I could swear I had four offers this evening. *moue pout* Yes, there was a blonde. He said his name was Chris...not that I believe anyone, really, let's be real, who gives their real name? Okay, I did, but I'd had a BUNCH of rum runners and I'm from several states over. Like they'll Google me. Ha! Merchant Marine guy had to ask me my name for a second time. *tsk, tsk* (He was multi-tasking.)

This was the best bar ever! Bar Norfolk! The line was long; the rum runners were crap, but fuck, did I have a blast! Buy me another round!

Listen to 108. He rocked. I mean, cute little Jack guy from Williamburg was HOT, but this one definitely gave him a run for his money. *thinks hard* *continues thinking hard*

Yeah, they were both damned hot. They are going in novels as soon as I sober up.

Enjoy this incriminating evidence while it lasts. I'll delete it as soon as I sober up.

Love, Hellion

Vacation Update: With Hellion

Flight was perfect, slightly cramped--just further proof I need to lay off the freaking Doritos, but too late for the moment. I sauntered to the luggage claim, and upon whom do my twinkling eyes do see? Tiff & Terri, who if they had been any closer, they would have met me at the doorway of the plane. Hugs & giggling were exchanged, then we found my suitcase that weighs roughly the amount of a dead steer.

Wednesday night, we spent the better of the evening trying to get food. Terri tried to accommodate my "need" for batter-fried fish, but strangely a city located a stone's throw from the ocean doesn't serve mundane stuff like "fish & chips", so I went back to the house with a steak, because I really can't get a good steak where I live in Missouri. In cattle country.

The steak was delicious.

Then the boys came. With liquor, which honestly is how all men should show up--with gifts. (Only kidding. Partially.) So after about three shots of rum, I spent an inordinate amount of the evening showing my talent for balancing my ass on the tip end of a chair and sprawling with my feet above my head (not quite what you're probably thinking, but close) and draping off the other end of the chair, hanging on to either the table, the person next to me, my beer...whatever.

I didn't have a hangover. I don't know why either...I totally deserved one.

Thursday came...early. I didn't have curtains in my room, so the bright sun at 9:30 am tends to be distracting. We got up and ate (I had more steak; it was huge); then we ventured off to a bar. I don't remember because Tiff kept liquoring me up with beer. That's a friend. We arrived at the deadest bar ever, but yes, the boys noticed Tiff. (Let's be real.)

Summary: Drunk as a skunk. Predictable men. Pour ourselves in the car and drive to the nearest IHOP to sober up. Slept in till 11 am Friday.

Skip to today because that's my favorite: we were in Colonial Williamsburg. We're in Raleigh's Tavern, and I saw this man with the skinniest calves ever. I wanted a picture with him just to show everyone: Hey, there's this guy with incredibly skinny calves, but the guy goes, "So-and-so will take care of you" (as I'm going down the stairs)--and I say, "Who?"--and a new voice says, "Hello."

And I look down the stairs, and I kid you not: a cross between Will Turner and Jack Sparrow was standing at the bottom of the stairs, tall, handsome, and with a roguish, devilish grin. In my sedate feminine nature, I galloped down the stairs, "Oh! Yes, I must go!" and was at his side in a half-second.

His name was Jack. I got a couple pictures of him. If I could have brought him home as a souvenier, he'd be in my pocket for the rest of this trip.

We're going out now. More to report later. Meanwhile, I'm going to have some very delicious thoughts about "Jack" because he's going to make an excellent hero in one of my books. Oh, who am I kidding? All of my books.

Signing out.

Hellion

Last Post For Awhile

Because I'm going on Vacation!

That's right. Hellion is flying to Virginia (no, not on my broom) and meeting with Terri & Tiff, who will already be hanging out and doing all things indolent and vacationy.

Some interesting trivia before I go:

Sin has the ability to "scissor-kick" people in the back of the head. She told me so on the way up to meet our critique group, The Sassy Scribes, on Saturday. I nearly drove off the road, I was laughing so hard at her story about it.

"Russian Goggles" is a similar term to "Tea-Bagging", which I had interestingly enough HAD heard of before both terms were bandied about at the co-worker party Brad took me to Saturday night. His friend, Ted, brought it up, then left Brad to explain it to the rest of us ignorant females...and when he brought up "Tea-Bagging" as a frame of reference, a look of enlightenment must have skittered across my face because he looked rather priceless when he asked, "You know what that is?" "Yes, I know I've been told before what it is...but I'm not drawing a complete definition at the moment." At the moment, I was thinking, It was something Jack and Matty had yammered about--and it's probably as deviant as that whole donkey punch crap that Matty had to explain to me. If you don't know what the terms are, you can Wikipedia it. I'm not telling you.

I've discovered not all Mikes are bad. I know, I wouldn't believe it either. I have been emailing with this applicant/student for a couple months; and he really wanted in this summer. I told him it would take a miracle; I bugged the hell out of him; and he did everything I asked. I finally got to process him for summer, since I wanted to do it before I left on vacation and when I told him all was done, he wrote back he was "speechless." I had written I wasn't opposed to bribes of chocolate. He sent me this ostentatiously huge bouquet of flowers--and I stared at it for five minutes, couldn't sign my name to "receive" them I was so flummoxed and shaky, then nearly broke into tears at the card. "Thank you for saving me. Gratefully, Mike." Usually at best, I get a chocolate bar from a grateful student...and really, it IS my job, so why expect more? But this was awesome. I've taken about 6 pictures of it. I'm rather devastated I won't be able to enjoy it much more since I'll be on vacation (it arrived yesterday). P.S. Mike is engaged. I *did* ask; I mean, I had to, but I figured he'd at least be dating...anyone who follows a woman's directives that well without complaint or questioning...yeah, he's taken.

Anyway, if you ever want to make me cry: send flowers. And you know the totally kick-ass part--this bouquet is freaking gorgeous and not one carnation in the batch--and we all know I hate carnations. You didn't know? Oh.

I hate carnations. They are the flower of death. Can't stand them.

My luggage for the trip probably weighs as much as I do. I pack like Scarlett O'Hara. Although my boss (I adore the man) said, "I had a student once who brought four trunks with her for an overnight trip. The others never let her live it down." I'm not that bad. One big suitcase, one backpack and my purse. I tried to leave some room for souvenirs. I've brought 6 pairs of shoes; 2 pairs of which are flip-flops; 2 are high-heels; 1 pair tennis shoes; 1 pair leather sandals.

Quiz Results

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
You scored as a Hermione Granger
You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.

Hermione Granger

85%

Ron Weasley

80%

Harry Potter

75%

Albus Dumbledore

75%

Sirius Black

70%

Severus Snape

65%

Remus Lupin

65%

Ginny Weasley

65%

Draco Malfoy

60%

Lord Voldemort

45%

The Hero's Journey: A Rant

For those Potter readers without the benefit of a liberal college education and who somehow circumvented having to take a mythology class, a head's up: STAR WARS was not the original hero's journey, so therefore JK Rowling did not steal Spielburg's idea.

I can hear you croaking now, but it's true. "Snape is Hans Solo..."--blah, blah, blah. No. Spielburg stole it first. Actually he didn't exactly "steal it" because he simply used a story arc that has been used since the flipping beginning of time called: The Hero's Journey.

Stories, as you might not realize or understand if you think they're all supposed to mean something and change the world like Rushdie's Satanic Verses, are about the Human Experience. If you're writing something outside of the human experience, while you can gloat you actually wrote about an "original idea", no one will actually give a damn because no one will understand it since it sits outside the relevance of what we know and understand. We understand ambition, hate, greed, power, God or the Higher Being, jealousy, sloth, temptation, lust, goodness and charity, friendship, death, loss, fear, family, and love. We've all felt these, been captured by these...maybe fallen into hell by these...but I assure you, these aren't "original". They are Timeless though.

So if you want to say JK Rowling's writing voice is boring; that you just couldn't get into the world she's drawn--FINE. That's logical. I don't exactly get into Homer's voice either, but he tells a damn fine hero's journey too. But don't say she's unoriginal because she stole her ideas from STAR WARS because it's just not true. Nor did she steal them for Tolkien...or the other thousands of other fantasy writers who's penned a fantasy novel.

#1: The gray-bearded mentor ALWAYS dies because the hero must face the BIG BAD EVIL all by himself. That's how it's always been--since Beowulf. #2: The hero must always "die" (usually to save everyone)--but is then resurrected. Jesus comes to mind--I suppose you're going to say he stole it from somebody, Beowulf, perhaps?

And in the hero's journey, the hero returns to the "normal world" to live Happily Ever After, a reward for conquering all that was evil and unjust. The ultimate boon. Usually with the sassy redheaded girl he meets along his journey.

Thank you. And I will stop reading people's reviews of Deathly Hallows because it's obviously just pissing me off!

Mea culpa: So sorry--George Lucas rather than Steven Spielburg wrote and directed Star Wars--not that I give a f*ck.

Brief Song Parody

I miss doing song parodies...so here's a brief, bad one. I'm working on one for "Camelot"--Cest Moi. I'll probably do it at the Vagabonds sometime.


There's just one wizard for me at Hogwart’s
Harry's his name, of that Potter fame
Why for every hero there must be a fan
I've found my mate, by fate of a bad date…

And now…

[Refrain]
I'm just wild about Harry
And Harry's wild about me
The dangerous larks with a Lord so Dark
Cause me and my friends to disagree!
He's brave like a Gryffindor lion
And like those schmucks on reality TV
Oh I'm just wild about Harry
And he's just wild about, cannot do without
He's just wild about me

There are some fellows that like all the girls
But Harry has no time to do manly crimes
He says he must vanquish Voldy before
Voldy kills us all, this is Total Recall!

Harry...

Well, I can't tell you. I'd probably he lynched by some Potterite who hadn't finished the book but was still bothering to patrol the net for spoilers...but it's ended. I can stop obsessing about it, just as soon as I read the book a second time, which I plan to do this week.

I will mention a couple of my favorite moments:

1) When Ron Returns: "You...complete...arse...Ronald...Weasley!" God, I love Ron & Hermione together. They are a riot.

2) When Ron Punches Draco: "That's the second time we're saved you, you two-faced git!"

3) When Severus Snapes Reveals All: OMG, Alan Rickman, can I please have your babies?

4) When Harry d... Oh, I said I was only going to mention a couple. Oh, well, then...carry on.

What did you all think of the book? The ending's a little crazy, right? Lots of stuff that didn't make sense? Did you love it or loathe it?

10 hours....

You know your obsession has gotten the better of you, when you can't hardly plan a date because you'll be too busy reading about what happens to Harry. "I'm really sorry. I promise I'll be a lot more fun once this book is read...and a lot more available." Sad, sad. Hell, my Captain Jack Sparrow fantasy life has been shunted aside for Harry. (Jack wasn't near as understanding.)

Tonight, I'm going to the movie again, then I'll have some butterbeer (1 cup cream soda and 2 tablespoons butterscotch schnapps), then we'll go stand in line (the Peasant line because we didn't preorder through B&N) to get our books. Mind you, my OTHER copy of the book is coming by owl...and I didn't want to take a chance on the owl getting lost on the way to my house. Or actually the far more likely prospect: being shot on the way to my house...or becoming a part of someone's truck grill. (That last one has actually happened.)

Pray Harry lives...we won't know what to do with me if he doesn't. (A Cheering Charm will not work.)

1.55 days left until Harry...

Lives. Or at least, he damn well better. And in the famous words of Emerson at Mugglenet.com--make sweet, sweet love to Ginny and make lots of babies. *LOL*

*hopping up and down like on crack*

My normally practical friend and I spent an HOUR after yoga last night discussing Jason Isaacs (Luscious Lucius) in the parking lot of the gym. An HOUR. Just about Jason Isaacs--though I did rhapsodize a bit about Gary Oldman and we discussed my collection of DVDs and whether I should be renting them out since I have so many (egads). Pam thinks I have a good chance of being marketable--since I'd have movies that some places wouldn't have. Obscure period or British movies, I guess. *LOL* True. I have a LOT of period pieces.

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

For Terri

Here you go. Just for you. But not with MY pictures...I don't want him besmirching my photos.

And I cropped out his badger beard and dorky Captain Underpants underwear and cape.

Enjoy.

Continuation of Yesterday's Obsession

2 1/2 days until Harry's Fate is revealed. I had a long, exhaustive talk with the UPS guy about it. I think he's relieved he is not delivering my book on Saturday. Well, he might be sorry; I'll most likely kiss whoever delivers it.

Because Terri has no idea of the HAWTNESS of the characters we're talking about, I thought I'd post a few pictures. Seriously, the woman should obsess more like normal folk.

Here is a pic of Lucius Malfoy, or as I suspect my normally very practical friend is calling him in her mind: Lucious. I think there might a bit of the S&M about her and she doesn't know it, what with her fascination of his bitchy expression and big stick.



Me, I'm no better. I have a fascination with men old enough to have technically fathered me. *sighs* Or ones I could have almost given birth to. It's creepy in either direction.

Sirius Black:


















But admittedly I preferred Gary Oldman in The Scarlett Letter:














Yeah, I think he's far hotter here too...but this was about 10 years ago. Give the guy some slack.

And then there is Snape. Not only does Alan Rickman have that delicious growl and snotty way of speaking, but...well, there's not really a but...the voice is truly enough, but the heavy-lidded eyelids that make you think of bedroom-matters even as he's obviously sneering at you is too delicious to pass up.









And because I couldn't resist, mate, I will include this final Snape shot I found on the net:











So...does this help the "jumpable" question from below? Oh, and I didn't include pics of Harry and Ron because all their pictures looked incestuous in comparison with these guys.

Who Would You Jump?

After a scintillating conversation with my normally very practical girlfriend, I realized we share a secret obsession with “bad boy” villain characters. Of course, let’s be real, we always had an unhealthy fascination for bad boys. We both loved Bo Duke, and it’s gone downhill from there.

She confessed a current obsession with Lucius Malfoy, who played quite a role in Harry Potter 5, and with his long blonde hair and his big stick he carries—well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why she wants to jump him. He’s quite jumpable. Myself, I played the Sirius card. Not only did he have long hair (a bit curly which I always love), he had the goatee going on. Men with goatees and a bit of a badass—irresistible to women. I cannot express this enough. (My friend said Sirius was very fine—and she too like goatees, but that Lucius currently held her attention. She was very shamefaced since he always says horrible things. I said, “Who cares? You weren’t planning to hold a conversation with him.” This cheered her considerably.)

Then I pointed out that Lucius wouldn’t have anything to do with her anyway, since she’s a Muggle, she said she’d impress (actually I think her word was “dazzle”) him so much with her witching skills, he’d totally forget she wasn’t a pureblood. I said this was a great plan; then said I would work on giving Sirius a “cheering charm” (since he’s so depressed and broody) but that I’d probably start simply with a Muggle trick of “flashing first” to see if that had any effect. As Dumbledore said, start with the simple charm first—since it’s always best to go with the simple answer first.

So which character from the Harry Potter movies would you most like to jump and why? And how would you go about it? Okay, maybe not the last question…I’m sorta afraid of the responses I might get.

Hellion's Holiday

So I was gone Thursday & Friday. (Did you miss me? Of course, you did.)

There's too much to talk about what happened Thursday and Friday, so I'll just share some various conversation snippets of the last few days:

* * *
Holly: *handing a Bertie Bott's Bean to Pam* Here, try the earthworm flavor. It tastes like dirt, but with something a bit zesty.
Hellion: *chomping hers* Yes, it IS like dirt with something more. Something meaty. *casts look in rearview mirror at Pam, who looks positively disgusted*
Holly: Liver I think.
Hellion: Good one!
*Pam takes a dainty nibble off the end of the earthworm flavor, making gakking sounds*
Holly: *realizing we've tried all the flavors* Anyone else want another bean? We've gone through them all.
Pam: *still delicately gakking* Soap. Give me another soap.
Holly: Really? You liked the soap?
Pam: I'm trying to get the DIRT out of my mouth.
Holly: Oh, well, that'll do it.

* * *
While watching the lame magician at the Harry Potter feast, disturbed our $45 went toward paying for this guy.

Professor Snap: You know Harry Potter has that scar on his forehead; in high school I had a big L on my forehead so I could totally empathize...
Pam: *leaning over to whisper* You mean, it's not still there?
Hellion: *bursting into hysterical laughter, non-Snap related*

* * *
Several times during the day.

Hellion: Where did Holly go? I can't find her. We're going to be late [or: kicked out of the store because it's closing. or: really late...]

* * *
On the phone.

Pam: So do you think you'll want to go to happy hour?
Hellion: God, I have a headache...let me take something. *yawning* I did promise to go. *click, my phone hangs up* Son of a bitch.... *redials, gets Pam* Sorry, the phone's acting wonky.
Pam: Do we know where we want to go? *click, my phone hangs up again*
Hellion: Son of a bitch! *redials, apologizes to Pam a second time* No, I don't even feel like drinking at the moment. It's so hot. *click, the phone hangs up a third time* Arrggh!

* * *

At the bar. After three beers.

Brad: And then... *gestures, his arms swinging and accidentally a bowl goes flying off our tiny rickety table and crashes to the floor spectacularly; we stare in horror*
Waitress: I'm cutting you off.
Brad: *pointing at me* She did it.
Hellion: *wondering if I might have, can't really remember* Well, it was good of you to take the blame for my klutzy ways...

* * *

After the fourth beer.

Brad: *says something funny as I'm taking a drink of beer*
Hellion: *spits the beer all over Brad and Chris, coughs* I'm sorry, shit, I'm really sorry.
Brad: That's okay. I broke a bowl.

Ten minutes passes.

Brad: *says another funny thing; probably that he was Greek and that was why he broke the bowl--which is clearly untrue since he's fair complexed and freckled*
Hellion: *spits another mouthful of beer, really splashing both Chris and Brad* Oh fuc...
Brad: *laughing* It's okay...
Hellion: *mopping up with napkin* No, this is really bad manners. I usually swallow.

So I had a really fun holiday...and I didn't even talk about the cardmaking portion of my weekend. How was your weekend? What did you do?

Harry Update

Harry lives! Or at least he does for the next 10 days.

I'm halfway through book 6 (this is probably my second or third reading of the book--and I find myself devouring the book just as rapidly as I did the first time)--and wonder what the hell I'm going to do to bide my time between now and July 21.

Thursday, I will be gone all day. A Harry Potter feast in a castle AND to see the movie.

Friday, gone all day. Probably going to see the movie again (with the friend who can't go to KC with us to the feast & movie); and I'm probably going to get my hair cut. I might even go to a Happy Hour.

Saturday will be card-making--and I've got new Pirate stamps, so be prepared everyone. All Hellion gifts you may receive in the future will probably have a pirate stamp somewhere on it.

Sunday, I will probably sleep...though I really need to write. I'm such a schmuck. I haven't written anything on Ben in weeks! (Though I did write a bit on Adam & Eve & Lizzie & Lucy.)

THEN it will be a WEEK of waiting until the book is released. I foolishly ordered my book through Amazon--super saving shipping--so I probably won't even get it until the 25th...and then I'll have a critique group meeting the Saturday of the 28th; and the week after I'm going to Virginia. Oh, well, there's always the plane rides. It IS the last book. I suppose I can "savor" it.

How many betting I'm going to cave on Saturday, July 21st, if it doesn't arrive by mail and drive to B&N and BUY a copy to read that day?

I Saw This On Sin's Site and Totally Hijacked It (Pirate)

Body: Finish the sentences. [Hellion: okay, I'll try] Some may be uncomfortable, but you'll manage. [Hellion: *snickering*]

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss was..
way too long ago. I need to work on that.

2. I am listening to...
POTC3 Soundtrack…I’m so predictable.

3. I talk...
when I want, all the time, loudly, with very little censorship. I can also be very quiet. If I am quiet, someone probably needs to hand me a Pepsi.

4. I love...
Captain Jack Sparrow.

5. My best friends are...
wicked, brilliant, funny, fun, loving, loveable, and unmitigated pains. I wouldn’t change a thing about them.

6. My Car is...
a fast brilliant piece of machinery, cleverly disguised as a boring sedan

7. My love life...
is the gas station on a remote route of Route 66—self-service if it’s in service at all.

8. I hate it when people ask..
“So you’re an English major—you must be a teacher, right? Do you teach?” Nope, hate kids. That shuts them up pretty quickly.

9. Love is...
the root of all power. It corrupts; and it corrupts absolutely.

10. Marriage is..
slightly less dangerous than house cleaning, but why chance doing either?

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...
“If I had Hellion to myself for ten minutes, I could die a happy man”—Jack! How lovely to see you again!

12. I'm always...
procrastinating. Obviously.

13. I have a secret cheesy crush on...
just about everyone, really. Captain Jack Sparrow. Orlie. Richard…Ranger…really, the list is unmanageable.

15. My cell phone...
is somewhere in the bottom of my purse, dead, because I never remember to charge the damned thing—that is if I ever remember to turn it on.

16. When I wake up in the morning...
lay there until the last possible moment, then amble around like a chicken with its head cut off because I’m late.

17. When I go to bed at night...
I sleep like the dead.

18. Right now I am thinking about...
Sleep, now that you’ve mentioned the bed. I would love a nap, right about now.

19. Babies are...
tiny tyrants who smell funny, are largely demanding, and whose only saving grace is that they’re tiny and cute and therefore everyone wants to fawn over them.

20. I get on myspace....
and immediately book over to the superior facebook to talk to my friends.

21. Today I...
will work until 4:30, then run off to my friend’s house to eat Chinese and watch Pride & Prejudice. I’m very excited to learn what the ending will be…

22. Tonight I will..
try not to bite anyone’s head off…it will be a feat of accomplishment.

23. Tomorrow I will...
asleep, until it’s too hot to sleep, then I will read, then sleep some more. I’m really looking forward to it.

24. I really want to...
have sex with Captain Jack Sparrow…oh, I mean, sleep. I really want some sleep.

Woohooo

14 days until HP7 is released; 4 days until the movie's released (and 5 days until I actually get to see it and go to the Harry Potter Feast in KC). Everything is so close I can almost taste it.

Then about a week and a half after that, I'll be in Virginia, doing my damnest to not be Amish.

2007 is a great year. But I knew it would be. It has a 7 in it. 7's a great number; and if you add up 2007, it makes 9, which is 3 x 3, and 3 is an awesome number too.

Now I need to go write on Adam & Eve's story. I have to give Adam a makeover and turn him into Brad Pitt, which he kinda looks like. Eve is going to spit fire. It's going to be awesome.

What's your favorite number and what will you be doing today? In a few weeks?

What I Always Talk About

18 days until Harry Potter 7 is in stores. 18 days. I remember when it was 18 weeks and I didn't think July would ever get here.

I'm currently engrossed in book 5, in my bid to re-read the series again before the movie & book hit the theaters/stores. (A faculty member, upon realizing I wasn't just reading book 5 but all of them, blinked and said, "Okay. If that's how you want to spend your summer." I didn't take her to heart. Her idea of a great book involved a tortoise and a baby rhino, both victims of the tsunami in India. Whatever. I mean, it really doesn't compare to the life and death tension I'm facing with Harry and the gang.)

Last night I watched (after a day of "napping" so much I actually got a headache) Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility. I can't decide which one I like better. It used to be S&S, no contest, but the more I watch the new P&P, the more it grows on me. (I'm sorry, Colin. You'll always be Mr. Darcy to me.)

As usual with my Sundays, I read all day and didn't write anything on my WIP or my other WIP...or well, I didn't write some notes about a blog, but not for this blog.

And POTC3 was still listed in the top 10 movies. Hurrah. It was #8. :) I love you, Jack!

So what Sunday things did you do? The same as you always do? Anything new? Watch any favorite movies?