Quiz Results

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
You scored as a Hermione Granger
You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.

Hermione Granger

85%

Ron Weasley

80%

Harry Potter

75%

Albus Dumbledore

75%

Sirius Black

70%

Severus Snape

65%

Remus Lupin

65%

Ginny Weasley

65%

Draco Malfoy

60%

Lord Voldemort

45%

Application to Date Hellion

Name: _____________________________________ (if your name has ‘Michael’ or any of the nicknames thereof in it, please discard application—or I will)

DOB: / / Astrological Sign: ___________________________

Job: Yes No If yes, what is it? ________________________

Single: Yes No If yes, are you sure? _____________________

Psychotic?: Yes No If no, are you sure? ______________________

Rent/Own/Live with Mom (circle one)

Car (model): _________________ Year: ______
Speed? ________ Color: ________________
Check here if you don’t own a car []

List your three most positive traits:

1.
2.
3.

List your three most nega…never mind, I’ll figure that out on the first date….

List your three favorite movies:

1.
2.
3.

(Discard application is any of these movies have Arnold Schwarzenegger in it.)

List your three favorite leisure activities:

1.
2.
3.

List three places you’d take me on a date—and what we’d do there:

1.
2.
3.

True/False:

1. You are looking for a love like the Titanic
2. You love to take videos of yourself shooting a pig—and show them to friends (and dates)
3. Your father thinks every woman you’ve ever dated is a hideous cow, but you don’t care what he thinks—because you’re not shallow.
4. You think I’d make beautiful babies.
5. You drive like Bo Duke.
6. You believe parking is an acceptable first date activity
7. You know Elvis is alive
8. Napping is an acceptable leisure activity
9. Getting married on a pirate ship would be the bomb!
10. Getting married would be the 10th circle of Hell

Multiple Choice:

Hellion wants to go to a Ren Faire. What do you say?
A. You say, “What’s a Ren Faire?”
B. You don your nearest pirate gear and go with her
C. You give her your wallet and send her off with a group of her friends so she can flirt outrageously with people who will dress as pirate
D. b and c
E. c, but you also listen to her when she gets home and talks about it for the next week and a half

Hellion wants to go to a chick flick. What do you say?
A. “Let’s go. I love how Ryan Gosling fills out his jeans.”
B. “Are you sure you wouldn’t want to see the Will Ferrell movie?”
C. “Fine. But you owe me a blow job.”
D. “Sure. There’s bound to be some naked boobs in the movie somewhere, right?”
E. b, c, or d, but then you also buy popcorn and soda to make up for the fact you’re a schmuck

Hellion wants to have sex. What do you say?
A. “Do we have to?”
B. “Fuck yes.”
C. “I’ll get the whipped cream.”
D. “Have I told you lately how incredibly hot you are?”
E. b, c, or d, but with lots of grateful oral sex on your part

Did I leave off any questions? Any questions you know for sure should be on my application?

Ramblings & a Pop Quiz

129 days until the new Harry Potter book comes out. That's 18 weeks. I'm not keeping tabs on it or anything. Holly mentioned the book again today when she said one of our faculty members will be out of town when it's released so she could read the faculty's copy of the book. She also made me promise to bring my hardbacks in before the Big Day so I could not set fire to them like I promised if Harry does die in the 7th book. She has also made a note to buy duct tape, but right now I'm not feeling the excitement. (I mean not like I am for POTC3). I think I'm gearing up for the worst to happen (as is my nature), so I'll probably be, "Eh" when the day actually arrives. And even if he does die, I probably won't so much as throw a paperwad in irritation. I'll just talk about what a crap book it is...then give all my books to Holly.

The next Ranger book (okay, it's the next Plum book, but I call them the Ranger books) comes out at the end of June. That will also be something to look forward to.

And then there is POTC3. I mean someone has to save Jack...and it can be me, if that's what everyone thinks. I would *love* to save Jack. That's the end of May. May 25th. (Interesting, that was the same day Braveheart was released to theaters in 1995, I think...*looks* No, Braveheart was released May 24th. My mistake.) I'm actually looking more forward to that. (Going to be broke that month too. That 70s Show Season 6 comes out May 8th. God forbid I don't add it to the collection.)

Hellion Quiz: Match the Men Who Said This

1.) Man: "What if we'd gotten married?" Me: "We'd be divorced." Man: (sinful smile) "No, no I don't think we would be."
2) "You're not the kind of woman a man has sex with. You have that vibe...that girl vibe like you'd get pregnant right away."
3) "He's right. You do have a glow about you...it's very sexy."
4) "If you skip class with me, I'll buy you ice cream...you know you want to...any kind you want, so long as you lick it from a cone."
5) Man: "Did you miss me?" Me: "Like a dose of the clap." Man: "Cool! Because we would have had to have sex in order to get that right?"
6) "No offense, but I think your boobs are dead."
7) "You're right. I was using you for sex." (*starts weeping*)
8) "You'd make beautiful babies."
9) "Did you really flash your boobs at this party? Man, I don't go to the right parties."
10) "You're really pretty. My father thinks all the women I date are dog ugly, but really, you're very beautiful."

A. Larry
B. Justin
C. Jack
D. Mike
E. Bryan
F. Mustafa
G. Eric
H. Dennis
I. Billy
J. Mac

Anyone who can get all 10 right--I'll send you one of my books off my bookshelf--I'll surely have something you'll want to read. (If there is more than one winner, the first one who got it right will get the prize.)