My Beloved Jack

You'd think with four days off, I would have been able to compose an Ode for the many and varied ways I loved and adored POTC3. But if you know me, you know that once I hermit myself into my house, I immediately don pjs and don't do much of anything, let alone compose odes. Nay, I merely stared at my ceiling, sighed in a very swoony manner, and contemplated all the various ways I loved and adored POTC3.

Top 10 Reasons You Should See POTC3

10. The fight scene with the maelstorm. Now I know this scene was hyped to death but it was still extremely awesome! I was on the edge of my seat, nearly clutching the slightly post-teenaged boy beside me in supreme tension. PLUS there is something that is so unbelieveable that happens in that scene--and it's not that Will and Elizabeth have the most spectacular kiss ever!

9. Will and Elizabeth have the most spectacular kiss ever! Seriously. When it happened, every woman (and quite a few men) in the audience swooned in delight. What cinema magic!

8. The desert crab-moving-the-ship scene. It's particularly hysterical because Jack is up in the rigging like he is in the first movie, looking like the bold and wonderful pirate he is--and just in command.

7. Will actually LOOKS like a pirate in this movie. Before (and though I love Orlie; I have as many pics of him as I do Johnny) I thought he looked like a blacksmith posing as a pirate, but once he tied that scarf on--and he's wearing a black shirt... *fans self* Will IS a pirate.

6. It makes the 2nd movie make sense. Basically it's just the second half of the second movie. I like my loose ends tied up.

5. Did I mention that totally hot, sexy kiss between Will and Elizabeth? Did you read #9? Read it again. I mean, I thought the screen was going to melt--especially at one point when he was trying to get his boot back. (Hellion screaming in the audience: "Kiss higher, damnit!")

4. James Norrington. OMG. And that's all I can say about it.

3. Things HAPPENED I could NOT believe. Things where I gasped and went, "That wasn't supposed to happen! What the hell!" and yet they did. Then I spent my entire drive home going, "That's good storytelling. Talk about SINKING SHIPS." (No, the ship didn't sink. I only mean...way to ruin your characters lives totally!)

2. Witty Jack is back! And really, that's quite enough for anybody, right? I mean, we couldn't have pirates without Jack! And he's back--and multiplied, really, because he has some interesting hallucinations!

1. They obviously pave the ending to imply there will be another Pirates. Eventually. Thank God. Because there are some things that happened...well...there needs to be a fourth movie.

Countdown

4 more hours and I'll be with my beloved Jack again! I cannot wait!!!!

One More Day...and Then onto a Different Obsession

What? you say in your Scooby Doo voice. A different obsession? Yeah, yeah, I'll get to that. First, PIRATES.

Tomorrow I get to go see my sneak peek of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. *does pirate dance, lots of interpretative movements* VERY EXCITED...which anyone could tell you I am from the manifesto I wrote Monday at Romance Vagabonds about Everything I Learned About Writing I Learned From Captain Jack Sparrow, a Tolstoyian length opus of all things Jack. Bless my obsessed little heart.

I have my shirt laid out to wear tomorrow. A pirate shirt. (I'm wearing a different pirate shirt today; but tomorrow's will have Jack's pretty face on it.)

I really need this movie because I'm truly sick of folders, reports, Excel, folders, report data I can't get from faculty, and Excel--I really loathe, despise and abominate everything that is Excel. What a fucking stupid program, Bill Gates...or whoever wrote it. (I blame Bill, regardless.) *sighs* ANYWAY...Pirates is tomorrow...then a 4 day weekend to stay at home (and not drive and spend gas--which is like gold dust at the pumps now)--and possibly work on my book. Ha, ha.

Oh, the new obsession. (See the report has so scattered me...I'm rambling. I don't even have a THEME. What does that tell you? It tells you I need to see this damned movie and have a four day weekend!)

Lean, Mean Thirteen will be the next obsession. Sin wrote me in a funk that the reviews of this book aren't that good. I feel bad for her. I adore Ranger...but I've never thought the mysteries or hijinks of any of these books (EXCEPT 12, which we all agree was DIFFERENT and AWESOME) were anything but frothy wanna-be mysteries. (Sin has said the same; we agree that on the level of suspense and actually keeping the mystery a secret or tense until the end of the book is NOT Janet's strength here...it's characters and making us want to "watch the Stephanie Plum Show", which we do.)

Apparently this is another frothy wanna-be mystery in which Stephanie bumbles her way to figuring out the mystery a la Bridget Jones: Bounty Hunting in Trenton, while meanwhile juggling both Ranger and Morelli (whose apparent script for this entire book was to watch TV and eat potato chips--GOODNESS, I bet it's hard for Stephanie to make a decision in her love life...)

I'm sure this is no big surprise to either of us--because let's face it, we KNOW there is at least one more book she's contracted for...so it's obvious she's not going to resolve anything in the relationship line. Although I think the fact that Morelli is eating chips and being the Ultimate Lazy Man With Attitude, should be a big fat indicator that when Janet DOES decide to end these books--we know she's going with Ranger.

Of course, let's also be real. The Cupcakes and The Babes are too much like the Jets and the Sharks. If Janet, even though she's in the Babe camp, did write the end of the book clearly to say "Stephanie marries Ranger, has his 12 kids, and moves onto having a reality-TV bounty hunter series"--the Sharks (Cupcakes) would mafia her ass. I imagine she's going to "Lady Or The Tiger" this series and just piss off both factions entirely--and let us duke it out amongst ourselves who Stephanie stays with.

It's Ranger. We *know* it's Ranger. The Cupcakes will just have to suck it up.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do...?

To say I was excited when Disney decided to do two more Pirates of the Caribbean would be the understatement of the decade. To add to my level of excitement--they made Norrington a badass! And we know how much I love my men with a lovely layer of BAD to them. And except for the bit where Jack gets swallowed at the end and it abruptly ENDS, the second one was just as good as the first.

And it truly is a tie for me as Norrington has some delicious lines in this film, like when he says to Elizabeth, "There was a time I would have done anything for you to look at me like that." And he laughs when she denies she feels nothing for Jack. Yes, we all laughed, Commodore, we all laughed.

In three more days the third installment will hit the theaters. I already have my tickets for the Sneak Peak on Thursday (8 pm). *does a little pirate dance*

And here's my favorite quotes, mostly from the bad-asses, in movie 2 for your enjoyment! What's your favorite part of the 2nd movie? What do you hope will happen in the 3rd?

Jack Sparrow: [With his back to Elizabeth, thinking that she is a man] Come to join my crew, son?
Elizabeth Swann: I'm here to find my true love.
Jack Sparrow: [Startled] Deeply flattered, boy, but my first and only love is the sea.
Elizabeth Swann: Meaning Will Turner, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: [Turning around] Elizabeth!
[to a crew member]
Jack Sparrow: Hide the rum.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: We are very much alike, you and I, I and you... us.
Elizabeth Swann: Oh. Except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center. And personal hygiene.
Jack Sparrow: [Sniffs his armpit and looks back] Trifles.
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: Jack, the letters, give them back.
Jack Sparrow: No. Persuade me.
Elizabeth Swann: You do know Will taught me how to handle a sword.
Jack Sparrow: As I said, persuade me.
* * *
Norrington: [drunk and angry] So am I worthy to serve under Captain Jack Sparrow...
[he draws his pistol and points it at Jack, who is hiding behind a pole]
Norrington: ... or should I just kill you now?
Jack Sparrow: [tries and fails to hide behind his pole] You're hired!
Norrington: Sorry. Old habits and all that.
[smiles and prepares to pull the trigger]
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you will have a chance to show it. To do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something!
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: [to Jack] Curiosity. You're going to want it. A chance to be admired, and gain the rewrds that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like.
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: Why doesn't your compass work?
Jack Sparrow: ...My compass works fine.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: [chains Jack to the pearl] It's after you, not the ship... It's not us. This is the only way, don't you see?
[leans in as if to kiss him, then pulls away]
Elizabeth Swann: I'm not sorry.
Jack Sparrow: [smiles] Pirate.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: [to Norrington] You look bloody awful. What are you doing here?
Norrington: You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.
Jack Sparrow: You smell funny.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: [to Elizabeth] You know, these clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.

Wednesday's Movie Blog One Day Late

As you might know (or maybe not), I’ve been out sick a lot this week; however, I think it would be a travesty if I didn’t post my Movie Blog this week, especially when I was going to write about Pirates of the Caribbean. I mean, I’m sick—I ain’t dead. And this is by far, my favorite movie to put on when I’m sick…or well…or writing…or reading…or having sex….

Kidding with the last one. Haven’t actually tried that one yet—probably would though. That sounds like something I’d do.

I remember seeing the theatrical trailer for this flick in 2002, when they were advertising their 2003 blockbusters. I was with my friend Jackie at the time, in a theater that actually knows the meaning of stadium seating—and the screen is even larger than most movie screens. It came on, the soundtrack pounding in the background, and I was like a five-year-old seeing a movie for the first time—the thrill of excitement chilling down my arm, my popcorn hanging limply from my fingers as I stared, openmouthed at the screen—“Yo ho, yo ho” the little girl sing-songed—and there was Captain Jack Sparrow, turning for his three-quarter stance and smiling over his shoulder with his gun near his face.

I nearly swooned out of my chair and landed into the Cinemuck on the floor.

I didn’t blink for the minute and a half that trailer teased us—I didn’t breathe. And when it was over, Jackie and I turned as one, looked at each other, and said, “We’re so seeing that.” And we did. And we were total lunatics about it. We laughed hysterically throughout the whole movie. I probably hadn’t enjoyed a movie that much since the first Harry Potter movie (when I hadn’t even known who Harry Potter was or cared).

So just in case you’ve been living under a rock, I’m going to share my favorite moments and dialogue:

Will Turner: You cheated.
Jack Sparrow: Pirate.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [to Weatherby Swann] I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.
Jack Sparrow: I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that.
[to Commodore Norrington]
Jack Sparrow: Elizabeth... it would never have worked between us darling. I'm sorry... Will... nice hat. Friends... This is the day that you will ALWAYS remember as the day that you...
[backs up and trips over ledge]

* * *

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [looking at all the swords] Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I do. And I practice with them three hours a day.
Jack Sparrow: You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?

* * *

Jack Sparrow: Stop blowing holes in my ship!

* * *

Will Turner: We're going to steal a ship? That ship?
Jack Sparrow: Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will Turner: I'd die for her.
Jack Sparrow: Oh good. No worries then.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [Imitating Elizabeth] "It must have been terrible for you, Jack. Must have been terrible." Well, it bloody is now.
[Seeing Norrington's ship off shore]
Jack Sparrow: There'll be no living with her after this.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [Wakes up and sees Elizabeth burning the rum] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum!
Elizabeth: Yes, the rum is gone.
Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth: One: because it is a *vile* drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me, do you think there is even the slightest chance they wont see it?
Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?

So what's your favorite Jack moment?

POTC's Guide to Dating

A few years ago when LOTR's came out, there was this hysterical email that went around, offering a LOTR's Guide to Dating. The #1 bit of dating advice they offered (and to which nobody could argue): Some people will go to any lengths to get a ring; others, having had one for awhile, will go to any lengths to chuck it into a volcano. Too true. I've never even had a ring and I know there is wisdom in this statement.

I showed this list of dating rules to one of the Mathematics Education doctoral students, to which he suggested I add to this listing. Well, for one, I didn't think you could improve upon perfection (I mean, who can top that ring statement?); and two, you should write what you know, and my expertise does not lie with LOTR. (A fact that made my last coffee date go horribly, horribly awry.)

In any case, if I were to write a dating guide (Terri, you can stop snorting in laughter now) I would write it according to Pirates of the Caribbean. I mean, I've watched those movies about 700...I mean, five or six times, and as we all know with LOTRs, watching them more than once definitely takes a time commitment on your part. Like your entire Saturday.

So here are some rules to dating, according to pirates (and as with all rules--they're more like guidelines than actual rules.)

1) Timing is essential. Asking the love of your life to marry you while you're swordfighting a shipful of the enemy is probably not the optimal time to propose marriage.

2) There's nothing kinkier or more fun than handcuffing the bad boy pirate and having your wicked way with him--but make sure your goody two-shoes boyfriend doesn't catch you doing it.

3) No matter what gorgeous, well-adjusted, career-minded NICE guy you fall for--you'll always secretly wish he was a bit more like Captain Jack Sparrow.

4) If you want to have any chance among pirates in competing against their love for gold--you better not dress as a boy. You should probably dress in nothing.

5) If all else fails during an awkward situation, in which you cannot gracefully extricate yourself, fall off the side wall of a fort into the ocean below. Be sure to miss the rocks.

Can you think of any "guidelines" to dating a pirate?

QOTD

I love quotes. (But then as a writer, I love words...and I love how other people arrange them.) So today I'm posting one of my favorite quotes. (Terri, I hope you're sitting down.)

“It seems that it is madder never to abandon one's self than often to be infatuated; better to be wounded, a captive and a slave, than always to walk in armor” --Margaret Fuller

And you'll note, it ties in with yesterday's blog. Don't you love themes?

Crushes

I suffer from crushes constantly, irrepressibly, and against my will. Oh, they're usually fun for a time. For instance, Orlando Bloom is a current crush; and the cute mechanic who worked on my car at Ford is also a fond crush of mine. If you’ve got melting, puppy-dog eyes and a woman-eating-let’s-get-naked grin, I’m pretty much toast. But typically, after a certain amount of time, I don’t crush on certain people any more. They eventually get bumped from the play list like a Milli-Vanilli one-hit wonder.

Such is the topic of this blog, a one-hit wonder.

At the impressionable age of 14, I rebelled and joined the Baptist Church because the preacher’s sons were two years older than me and totally hot. (We can see my spirituality has always been in the right place.) Keith and Kevin. Beautiful blue eyes; ripped; and killer smiles. And mostly nice to a youngster two years their junior who so obviously had the hots for them—well, as nice as was possible for teenage boys could be at any rate. They moved straight to the top of Hellion’s Crush Play List. They mostly stayed there until I was 18 (though Keith was removed from the list when I was 16 and never made it back on—but that’s another blog.)

So at the top of my Crush Play List sat Kevin, the beautiful preacher’s son and nice to boot. And best of all, he remembered me. We’d occasionally run into each other—and he’d remember my name and such. (This was why he remained so high on the list. Kevin had Rock Star God status and I was a peon—to be remembered was a huge deal to me. Yes, I know, but I'm a dweeb. It's an unfortunate fact.)

I went to college and found new guys to put at the top of the play list. Kevin and I never ran into each other. All was good—because it’s tough crushing on a person. I don’t know about you, but when I get around someone I’m crushing on, the tripping heartbeat and the inability to form coherent sentences…well, it’s not good for the ego to feel like a complete ass in someone’s presence all the time. Kevin has never had the opportunity to meet the funny, witty, fun Hellion--only Hellion the Tongue-Tied Twit.

But Hellion, you say, you're older and wiser now...and we know damn well, you're funny. Funny you should say that--here's the point of the blog.

So I’m at the gym (I swear 90% of my stories start with these five words) and I’m on the elliptical—and on pops a commercial. One of those ones you know were locally made—it’s low-tech, cheesy, not impressive…and there is Kevin! In the commercial!

I suck in air, grasping the TV, gurgling and pointing at the screen. He looks the same—just as hot, unattainable, and flashing that killer smile. I move up on the articulate scale from gurgles to squeals that perhaps a hamster could have interpreted: “Look, Kevin is on TV! I had a crush on him in high school! I thought he was so hot!” Unfortunately my friend Holly is unable to speak hamster and simply thought I was having a heart attack.

“What? What? TV? Are you okay?”

Frustrated she could not interprete my clear joy and enthusiasm at seeing Kevin, I waved her off and stared at the screen, not wanting to miss a second of him. He's there with his wife (she’s pretty); and I thought, “Gosh, I’m glad he found someone. He’s so nice; I hope she’s nice.” And the commercial ended and I was very, very, very happy that this had not been a real life run-in since I’m pretty sure Kevin doesn’t speak hamster either…and I would really hate to hear these kiss-of-death words, “Hellion! You haven’t changed a bit!”

Then I had a post-commercial low of “You complete geek. A 30-second commercial and you’ve flashed back 15 years to Moronville (or perhaps Hamsterville.)” This low was complete with self-recriminations of “You’re still single” and thus “still a loser”, which I tried to stem off like an EMT trying to tourniquet an artery. Too late. (I swear, if I could put a muzzle on my Inner Critic, he’d be thrown in the dungeon never to see the light of day…but again, my Inner Critic is another blog.)

So do you have any crushes from your past that send you back to the 16-year-old you still are inside? Do you believe the happiest marriages are those with people you meet in your childhood? Did you ever like Milli Vanilli?

Movie Blog: The Pirate

Okay, so we all know I'm slightly obsessed about pirates. Their rakish smiles, their inability to not take things that aren't theirs, their ability to assessorize... *swoony sigh* I love pirates.

Now you may not know this, but Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is coming out in 15 1/2 days. (I know, it was news to me, too.)

In honor of this debut, I am blogging about my favorite pirates movies for the next few Wednesdays, starting with the Gene Kelly classic: The Pirate.

This movie combines both things I adore most: pirates and bursting into song for no apparent reason, while dancing in a carefully chorographed motion you just thought of.

In case you haven't seen this classic bit of cinematography, it is a classic tale about a young girl engaged to someone else--but she's in love (or fascinated by) a pirate named Macoco. A traveling stage performer finds this out (and being he has fallen instantly in love with her)--he starts posing as the famous pirate Macoco. Comedy of Errors ensues. Definitely worth the watch just to follow the story itself, but Gene Kelly in shorts, dancing across the stage and pressing Judy Garland close...well, that's not bad either.

If you have seen this musical, what did you think of it? Do you also think Gene Kelly is one of the Hottest Dead Guys around? What do you think of pirates? Good as pets or hard to housebreak?

The Sassy Scribblers

I spent my Saturday with my Critique Group, the Sassy Scribblers. (Sometimes we’re The Sassy Scribes; we’re never quite sure which one we are, but to be fair, we only just decided on our name last month. I mean, there’s three of us, for crying out loud. It’s just easier to call each other by our names.) I love my critique group. Both of these ladies are the most generous, upbeat, fun, witty, hilarious…well, you’ve got the picture.

We meet the first Saturday of every month, usually at this place just off I-70 called “Maggie’s Café”, a lovely trucker’s stop off with awesome food for cheap prices, and the waitresses are characters—and unbelievably accommodating. We even have an agenda (to keep on task), and the last thing on the list every month is the same: PIE. You see where most of our priorities lie.

I have been a part of critique groups in the past. Once upon a time when I got “very serious” about writing (the Lucy book, if anyone is interested), I joined an online critique group. That was an interesting experience, to put it politely. I think it meant well initially, but as with anything online—and with any group over a number of two—it got to be a hotbed of potential Middle East activity. Flamers, Righteous-Critiquers, the whole nine yards. In fact, at one point when the group seemed to have turned on one lone member, I jumped in to say “I don’t think she meant anything by it”—and got flamed myself. Of course, I did win a brand new friend—and we merrily exited said group and made our own. *LOL* She was an awesome critiquer—up until she quit writing altogether.

So we remained friends and I went in search of another critique group. I joined the Missouri chapter of RWA—which had another group of lovely fun thoughtful ladies; however, their critique group met on Tuesdays in St. Louis. I live 2 ½ hours away. I’m a dedicated writer—okay mostly dedicated—but I couldn’t see myself driving 5 hours round-trip to meet with these guys, so I had to settle for the once a month meetings. They’re good, but weren’t the same as having a critique group. Then I met Kris, also a part of the MORWA, and also not a fan of the Tuesday meetings—and thus Sassy Scribblers was born.

I cannot recommend enough the importance of critique groups. Critiquing other people’s work improves your writing; and them critiquing you also improves your writing. The support keeps you writing—it is a lonely business and there is no replacing having your butt in the chair and writing every day, but I have to say, having people who go, “This is so good. What if you did this?” helps you out of writer’s block and keeps you focused on the big prize of finishing.

Meeting once a month with my small group is enough for me to write and help others. There are some groups that critique and submit once a week, and I don’t think these people sleep…or email or anything. But there is a critique group out there that can meet your needs. I know. I found one. You can too.

Are you for or against critique groups? Have you learned anything from being in a critique group? Would you like to be in a critique group? Or are you a reader and are very thrilled you don’t have to bother with things like critique groups?

Please Excuse Us, Your Program...

Is being interrupted for this special announcement.

I'm blogging at the Romance Vagabonds! (Can you believe they invited me to blog? Neither can I. I must have read the invite like three times before writing "HELL YES" in 36 pt font and whinging it back.)

Anyway today is my virginal debut. Sara has graciously given up her regular blogging day to let me babble about The Hero's Journey. I know, I know. I don't know why I didn't choose to babble about rum and Brad Pitt's butt either...but it's what I picked. It's okay. We'll save Brad Pitt's ass for another day.

www.romancevagabonds.com

Your regularly scheduled Friday Music Blog will occur at a later time. Possibly around 3:30 or so when I'm supposed to be doing folders and I'm screwing off again. Or possibly Monday or Tuesday instead. *eyeing folders*

Have a great Friday, guys, and I hope to see you over at Romance Vagabonds!