To quote Jack, “A wedding? I love weddings!”
Well, with the following amendment, so long as I’m not in them. I was a bridesmaid once, and that was plenty. I didn’t understand. I was young, naïve, and yes, self-absorbed at the time of my bridesmaidal occupation; but I sincerely think I missed out on the girl gene of caring about certain details in regards to a wedding. Like, some people really care how many people are allowed at the wedding (and whose feelings will be hurt if they’re not invited), if there should be three bridesmaids or seven (and how are we going to fit all my friends and siblings into the wedding party without pissing off my friends or my mother), and should I have Alstroemeria or Liatris at the front of the church? Church? Speaking of which, where should I have my wedding? At the chapel with the red carpet or the one with the stained glass windows?
I wish I were kidding, but these are the things brides actually worry about. And it doesn’t end there. There are articles and media and mothers constantly going on and on about how each detail must be carefully thought out, or the wedding will suck and you’ll never be able to hold up your head in town again. Or worse, your mother will not be able to. And I, as the bridesmaid, was obviously unhelpful when I pointed out the obvious: It’s your wedding. Do it however you want.
This was apparently bad advice. And unwanted. I don’t understand it. It’s sound advice. (Except perhaps she didn’t know what she wanted. Maybe bridal planning is a lot like dieting—it doesn’t go well if you have too many options to pick from.) Well, I’m here to help you limit your options. There are only two things you need to worry about for a wedding, three if you count the cake. (And you should, cake is important.)
Number 1: The Groom. One would assume at the time of your wedding planning you have already acquired one of these. One-third of your planning is already solved. Congratulations!
Number 2: The Dress. You have to look good. You’re the bride. This is The Moment to look smoking hot and make every other dumbass man who ever broke your heart absolutely ripped with jealousy and regret.
Number 3: The Cake. (This one was semi-negotiable.) Wedding cake is like crack and none of us get to eat it near enough. Plus, you feed cake to people, and no one will remember anything else about that wedding. Other than you looked gorgeous, obviously.
Everything else is up for negotiation, and frankly if you don’t care about it, don’t have it at your wedding.
But my mother (grandmother/MIL/sister/friends/insert female here) thinks I should [insert needless drama item here] or my wedding will be awful! They lie. It’s not their wedding. When it’s their wedding they can insert all the needless drama items they want. In the meantime, it’s your wedding and you should be looking for a dress.
If I get married in Vegas, everyone will think I’m pregnant/cheating them out of a real wedding/not serious about marriage. Uh-huh. Who’s footing the bill for this gig anyway? You, my dear bride? Yes, people will say anything to get cake. When you return from your lovely Vegas wedding, undetailed by the burdens of massive federal debt or stress of a celebrity-style wedding, you can buy a cake for the little naysayers and be done with it.
The moral of the story is that you can’t please everybody, but you can please yourself—and if you’re happy, then the groom’s happy. And if he’s not happy and cares more for the details than you—he’s running for office or he’s gay—and in either case, you need to get out now. The End
Oh, and my wedding (provided that I’m not hit by a bus first, which is apparently more likely): Vegas. On the pirate ship. In a bitchin’ bridal pirate gown. Or…maybe a different theme. Who knows? But I assure you I’ll have the two things that matter: The Groom and The Gown. Everything else is just details, baby.
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4 comments:
I was super-fortunate that my 2 married daughters and their husbands did almost all the planning and lots of the paying, so their weddings were wonderful---both outside, catered by friends and family, casual yet so nice. Cheap wedding dresses, too. For my oldest daughter(she was the 2nd to marry) I designed the invitations and did all the flowers. My son's wedding, on the other hand, went like this. Wed. night the phone rings. "Hi, Mom, we're getting married tomorrow. Thought you should know!" My youngest daughter was there (in Florida) on spring break and represented the family. She swears she probably won't get married, but she's still awfully young. I must say I did enjoy the whole wedding dress shopping experience, so I hope she falls in love at least once.
I think you have to be almost crazy to plan a wedding. Or maybe that's just me. I've never been one to dream about a fancy wedding, with everything you could possibly ever want and need and with all those people staring you down in a dress that's fit for a princess and cost an arm and a leg.
Eloping is the way to go. I say unless you are contributing in some way monetary wise, you don't get a say in how it goes down. Going in debt for ten years over one day doesn't seem practical and most people are fidgety during the wedding ceremony anyway. Ninety-five percent don't pay attention and the only ones that do are the respective parents, who are tired and stressed out from the planning and greeting of the wedding guests to really pay attention. I believe people go to weddings for two things: To believe in blissful romantic love once again for a few hours and wedding cake/free alcohol. And really, unless it's some spectacular cake, they aren't going to remember it.
A wedding should be just about two people, in love, ready to make that sacred promise to each other for the rest of their lives. It shouldn't be about anything else.
Sin, the mud puddle bubble blower.
Nothing is ever perfect. Grass is always greener syndrome. Possible chance if Grandma or the dog had been there, some strange drama would have played out--and you would then wish you hadn't invited Grandma or the dog.
Plus I always here people say this when the people are dead. Not a lot you can do about that. And they also always say it for functions like babies being born and baptisms... "I wish you'd been here while Charlie was born!" Why, I'm not a doctor, what good would it have done?
Also, just because someone is there--doesn't mean they're necessarily supporting the situation. Just saying.
LOL. Terri, I've heard this as well and some people who are more sentimental (mental being the operative part of that word) wish that it could've been a bigger day than it was or more people could have seen them or cried over their lost of singledom or whatever. *waving hand*
I truly think in order to go through with elopement and never regret it, is to not have any regrets before you go through with it. If you even have the slightest of second thoughts, then elopement is not for you.
But for some people (like me) who are not all that sentimental and really never dreamed about having a wedding at all, elopement is the easiest course of action and one of the cheapest. Plus if you run off, you can tell people you are eloping and most people think that's romantic and feel like they shared in something special for just a brief moment in time (and all that jazz).
And your wedding is supposed to be about you. Not your aunt Millie who can't hear and needs to sit up front or your mother, who's crying buckets over her being old enough to have a daughter getting married or Grandma and the yapping yap dog. Just you and the groom. The love that you share between the two of you and if your family can't support that... Then I say they have a problem and don't need to be there.
Just my two cents and we know they ain't worth much.
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