Today is June 21, and while to most people this only means: "hey, it's the first day of summer", for me (who shuns sunlight like a vampire), it means: in exactly one month, I'll have Harry Potter's newest (and last) book in my hot little hands and I will finally, finally have all the big questions answered.
Warning: if you write "Harry Potter is going to die" in the comments, as a dictator, I will delete it. Just saying. Cast your John the Baptist bits of doom on someone else's blog. I am obviously too narrow-minded to consider the possibility.
Okay. Per your request, I have come up with a short guide to dating a la Harry Potter. And it goes like this:
Number 10: Be moody, broody, and slightly mad. It worked for Lord Byron, and it probably helps if you’re also known as “mad, bad, and dangerous to know.” This worked well for Harry in book 5, where he finally got to snog a girl.
Number 9: Transfiguring your date into a supermodel will probably not get you a second date with them. Transfiguring yourself might. Swallowing some Polyjuice Potion might work for you, as well; however, keeping Orlando Bloom or Jude Law locked in a trunk so you can have access to stray hairs will most likely get you jail time for being a complete stalker/kidnapper. (Might just be cheaper, less law-breaking, to do a Hugh Grant.)
Number 8: Falling in love with yourself is the beginning of a life long affair. Ask Professor Lockhart.
Number 7: Be careful not to break your wand under stressful circumstances. “Making magic” with a broken wand is nie onto impossible.
Number 6: If you find yourself bickering with someone of the opposite sex all the time, you are in love with this person. You won’t know it though until she starts dating a complete prat because you live in complete denial.
Number 5: If blind adoration doesn’t work (and it never does), pretend to fall in love with someone else to make your Girl/Guy of Your Dream realize you’re a limited commodity. (Supply and demand has ruled since Eve and the apple.) Lead him on a merry chase as you happily date other idiots until GOYD kisses you in the middle of the Common Room.
Number 4: Fall in love immediately with someone who doesn’t know you exist. Wear your heart on your sleeve for years and blush profusely anytime he/she talks to you. Promptly get yourself possessed by the Evil Villain so he/she has to rescue you—at least that way he/she knows you exist.
Number 3: Tamp off jealous rages that the GOYD is dating a complete prat by accusing her/him of showing disloyalty to country, school, or common friends. Make something up if necessary. Guilt is a necessary and viable dating tool to get you to make out with GOYD.
Number 2: When asking a girl out to a dance, separate her from the “Pack”. This will be difficult since we all know women do everything in groups of two or more, even going to the bathroom—which is completely absurd since there is no such thing as two toilets in one stall.
Number 1: When you finally find the love of your life, break up with her to “protect her” from the bad guys and thereby let everyone in the world know that you’re just as much of an idiot as the next guy—because we all know this whole heroic ploy will have been useless when the villain kills her anyway and you wasted valuable time you could have been using to make out with her. Dumbass.
So what dating advice have you gleaned from Harry Potter? Or any movie really? I might be having another date again, eventually, I could use all the advice I can get.
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7 comments:
Those were awesome! I loved them all. Only one month to go!!!
That little warning was not directed at moi, was it? LOL! Yeah, yeah. He doesn't die. Everyone knows that.
I don't understand some of those for obvious reason but that last one sounded like it could be from Spiderman. I think we can learn a thing or two from Phantom of the Opera. Look under the mask, it's Gerard Butler you dumbass. What the hell are you doing with that pansy boy?
I think we can a lot from the old slasher movies like Friday the 13th, Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street. If you want to shag your HS sweetheart don't do it in a cabin, tent, forest, basement, parked in the forest or on a deserted road, etc. And my all means, if that creepy music starts playing DO NOT investigate that strange noise!!!
Hmmm, I was looking for dating advice and got info about "how to protect yourself from creepy villians". Coincidence? I don't think so.
Man, that does hit a little too close to home. Total accident really. But you have to admit it's good advice for you.
Hey, I have to say, those idiots were asking for death when they shagged in a cabin in the middle of the woods. Stupid dumbasses.
btw, hellion, i can't tell, do you want harry potter to date hermione?
Di
Nah, I've always, always been a Ron-Hermione shipper. Those two were destined.
Ginny & Harry were less obvoius for me because I do the Ginny thing all the time, and I never get Harry out of it. But then I've never tried dating other idiots to make Harry jealous. Maybe I should try that.
Uhm....is there a Harry actually under consideration here? Or have I missed something?
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