Pick Up Lines

I love pick up lines. I think they’re funny, and frankly, if a guy can get you laughing at his jokes right away, I think you’re off on the right foot. Unfortunately pick up lines only work if you’re good looking. I saw this cartoon once with the caption that said the right and wrong way to pick up a girl. In the first picture, a short, balding, goofy and obviously lives with his mother looking man approaches this gorgeous woman and says, “Hi, I think you’re beautiful—can I have your number?” The obvious answer to this is: NO. However the cartoon below features the same woman, but the man is tall, dark, and handsome—and has the look of someone who doesn’t live with his mother and he says: “Hi, I think you’re beautiful—can I have your number?” The answer is YES.

In college, my friends and I would exchange pick up lines we’d heard that we found particularly cute. Or funny. Or extremely pathetic. My friend Mac, a tall, handsome Marine who had absolutely no sense when it came to women, introduced me to my favorite pick up line of all time. He walked past me, then did a double take, then said, “Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk past again?”

He found my favorite pick up line particularly amusing. I licked my finger and touched his shirt, then mine. “What do you say to going back to your place and getting out of these wet clothes?” He at least made a playful bid of tugging me back to his place.

But pick up lines are not limited to the last 70 years, when my Dad’s idea of a pick up line in WWII consisted of “Hello, wanna screw?” (sailors, what are you going to do with them?). It was in another language, of course, so that might have made it slightly more romantic, but unlikely. He insists *he* never used this line, but for some reason, I don’t believe him.

I mean, even Shakespeare has some classic lines, himself, but if I were to pick my favorite golden oldie of pick up lines, I’d have to go with Thomas Moore (who ran around with Lord Byron, so that should be a big indicator), an Irish poet (another indicator—did you ever meet an Irishman who wasn’t full of crap?) who said:

I've oft been told by learned friars,
That wishing and the crime are one,
And Heaven punishes desires
As much as if the deed were done.

If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our heart's content;
Come, then, at least we may enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment!

An Argument, well made, to my way of thinking. What a rake! I can totally see myself shucking some corsets for this bit of rhyme. So here’s to all those goofy pick up lines men use to win us over—and to the men daring enough to use something so incredibly lame.