When you boil me down to my elements, I'm not really that creative. I find it easier to tell the truth than to tell a lie, unless I like you and you ask me if those pants make your ass look fat. Then I will LIE like a dog on a rug in the kitchen. Lie, lie, lie.
But everyday things, little surveys from friends via email--I don't think to be real creative about it. I just answer the questions. I do sit and go, "God, Hellion, you're fucking Amish in the realm of exciting lives...hell, Amish people are more exciting than you." But I don't think to make stuff up for the hell of it.
Example. Today I got the following survey. I will provide you with MY answers.
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Grad Studies Secretary
2. E-911 Technician (not as cool as the title sounds)
3. Temp for the University
4. Student Worker for Humanities Department
Four Movies you would watch over and over:
1. Pirates of the Caribbean 1
2. Pirates of the Caribbean 2
3. Elf
4. French Kiss or Braveheart (depends on the mood)
Four places you have lived:
1. On a farm
2. In the city
3. In a cardboard box (at birth, they forgot the crib)
4. In a dorm room
Four TV shows you like to watch:
1. Grey’s Anatomy
2. Ugly Betty
3. The Class
4. How I Met Your Mother (also reruns of That 70s Show)
List four places you have been on vacation:
1. Boston
2. California (Hollywood and San Fran areas, different vacations)
3. Cozumel, Grand Cayman, & Jamaica (same boat trip)
4. Washington DC
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chinese
2. Ice cream
3. Chocolate covered strawberries
4. Linguine Alfredo
Very June Cleaver answers, right? Obviously you can tell I'm not making shit up. I farm this email with my answers out to my friends, and this was the response I got back from a friend:
4 JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
FLUFFER
TOWEL BOY AT BATHHOUSE
NUDE MODEL
SHORT ORDER COOK
4 MOVIES I WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
BOY IN THE PLASTIC BUBBLEDOWN
ON THE FARM PART 7
MI BURRITO GRANDE (w/English subtitles)
4 PLACES YOU HAVE LIVED
PURGATORY
BROTHEL
BOTTOM OF A WELL
MOTEL BATHROOM
4 TV SHOWS YOU LIKE TO WATCH
DOOGIE HOUWSER M.D.
THE FACTS OF LIFE
JOAN LOVES CHACHI (Happy Days spinoff)
CITY PUBLIC ACCESS CHANNEL
4 PLACES i HAVE BEEN ON VACATION
IN YOUR PANTS
BAHAMAS WITH ANNA NICOLE SMITH
KIRKSVILLE
GARY, INDIANA
4 OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
PUSSY
SARDINES
TUNA
SMOKED OYSTERS
I mean seriously, is there any comparison on the creativity shown here? HE should clearly be the fiction writer, not I--because other than the Fluffer job, I don't believe any of the other things he listed.
Being shown up in the creativity department, and realizing that my current WIP is probably more true to my life than I care to think on, should I rethink my career as a romance writer? I obviously don't have the lying capabilities to carry it off.
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6 comments:
Don't give up and most importantly, don't BS us! We know you, Wench! You're one of the most creative people I know.
And I omigosh! I laughed so hard reading your friend's response! LOL!!!
LdyB
First off, why couldn't I have had a life to be creative or actually both. Fran, I envy your creativity--ENVY!! And I love reading when you write. I swear--you could write it on toilet paper and it's still stuff I would give my friends and their friends to read. Brilliant and witty and to top it off it's real.
Second-Fran I have learned from you that life has way more imagination than dreams.
pssstt. I love Joanie loves Chiachi. Why didn't I think of that. What a bore, I am.
OMG. I'm embarressed to know who the second email came from! When I see them, I'm gonna smack them upside the head!
Oh, but by God, it was hilarious. Fluffer? LMAO. I know they looked at each other and said, "Hm, I wonder what might make her blush" and then the little light blub above their heads went off and they both said, "Ah-HA! I've got it." Unfortunately is wasn't the same answer but that's to be expected with those two. LOL
And PS. You aren't drab, boring or even remotely June Cleaver-ish. You're a wonderfully talented person Hellion. I'm a better person for knowin' ya. :)
And my answers are so boring that it makes people yawn so I don't normally participate unless I'm feeling sort of sarcastic.
Actually I asked him this last night. HE did make that up that answer himself.
Cheeky...you wench, I didn't know you were doing these daily!
And...
It's just not right to put pussy and sardines in the same section...but that my kinda guy...cunnilingus is a girls best friend...
Cheeky...you wench, I didn't know you were doing these daily!
And...
It's just not right to put pussy and sardines in the same section...but that my kinda guy...cunnilingus is a girls best friend...
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