I'm not a very good journal-keeper. I like to collect them, mind. I have a stack of 70-sheet notebooks, a number of leather-and/or-cloth-bound journals, and post-its to myself everywhere in my room, in my purse, in my car. But I'm loathe to commit anything personal down, anything really personal.
Now mind you, I have a desire for immortality, and what is more immortal than the written word? Would we know a guy named Shakespeare if he hadn't written down those eternal words: To be or not to be, that is the question. Maybe, but maybe not.
The written word is viable. Imperative. We wouldn't have know the Golden Rule if someone hadn't taken the time to write it on papyrus. But I hate committing my little treasure-trove of Hellionisms to journal entries. Well, perhaps I don't mind the outrageous ones. But I do mind writing down the stuff that journals are actually made for. The vulnerabilities. The "I hate Jane Smith, that two-time, double-crossing snake that stole my boyfriend!" or "My boyfriend Tom kisses like an eel." Or my personal favorite Hellionism: if I had an opportunity to run over Chris Roberts, I would. Then I'd back up and hit him again. Rat bastard.
There are lots of things people remember about me that I don't remember at all. Seriously embarrassing little anecdotes that I would have been content never remembering at all until they showed up at Happy Hour and decided to share that tidbit with all my new friends. Perhaps it would be easier if I'd quit just doing embarrassing things, then nobody would bother to remember them at all. But that's not likely to happen.
Anyway--I have all these leather journals that no one would ever see and I won't even commit my own follies for my own eyes (I figure I'll have enough of Hellion This Is Your Life come Judgment Day, you know?)--and yet some people use their blogger to post their real vulnerabilities out there for all web-eternity. (I don't mean the pre-teen who's despairing about That's So Raven being canceled. I mean: My husband is a cheating scumbag and his new girlfriend, my former best friend Jessica, is a cheating whore type blogs. Or work woes blogged, using real names of bosses and co-workers.) Doesn't that seem dangerous to you all?
I don't know if it's stoic-father or what, but isn't there something dangerous about expressing every single emotion that filters through us before we've had a chance to digest it and figure it out? I don't know. It just makes me think of Tom Riddle's diary from Harry Potter. Little Ginny Weasley poured all her feelings into it, and it talked back to her, justified her feelings, soothed and petted her--and in the end, it turned out really badly.
What do you think? Yea or nay? Does it matter this is a wide-world forum? I mean, technically, now many people are likely to read your inner-most thoughts, right?
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Fran, I agree with you. I don't personally share anything I wouldn't be comfortable telling someone at the bar or showing up somewhere incredibly public.
No one needs to know the intimate details of my life. Not that I'm super interesting.... But, if I were having problems with my family/husband/self-esteem/financial situation, it's really no one else's business.
I think that the world has become too much about exposure. Entertainment Weekly gives us a view into every celebrity's bedroom, teenage girls show off more skin than prostitutes of fifty years ago, and Maury will air your family's dirty secrets, even if it means destroying the security of your children.
And to what purpose? Because everyone's dirty laundry should be equally accessible? I think it's because the world has become so narcissistic that it believes everyone is dying to know their opinions/secrets.
I think our culture would do better with a little more mystery, with a few more secrets being kept, and a bit more confidence in others' confidences.
My rant is ended. LOL!!
I've never posted before but love your blog Hellion. I'd have to agree with marnee. There's something creepy about reading how someone really hates her sister in-law, or how crappy their new job is(with names of bosses and co-workers as you put it).
Now I'm mentally going through my head to see if I've ever posted anything that was waaayyy over the bounds of TMI.
Great post!
Marnee, I'm with you on the rant! Though, here I am casting stones, and if you look back over my blogs--how many of them cross TMI?
BUT I do try to keep the TMI ones "funny", and funny in the sense that if the guilty were to read the blogs (myself included) you could see the funny in it. I've let fly in the comments portions of our programming a few times about my loathing for some childhood nemesises, who I'm pretty sure will never figure out who I am even if they googled themselves and found the blog. Namely because every time we do see each other, he can't remember my name. Or what I do for a living. Or anything. Which is good, but totally nails home the point why I can't stand him in the first place.
Kelly! Thank you for delurking! And you totally prove my point as well! *LOL* You don't know who's reading your stuff or if you may or may not be running into them in the near future and you don't want to be that person who when you meet them, they go: "Oh, I know you! On your blog, you talk about your crazy SIL! She works in my office and reads your blog!"
Exactly! I think it's one thing to make fun of yourself or to say things that the affected parties would find funny as well and another to vent all your private business in a way that could hurt feelings or sound like you're sitting on a therapist couch.
ITA with Marnee! It took me months to even post on a board and a good year to post anything remotely personal. Even then, I fretted about whether I should have pushed the send button (and pretty much do every time I push the send button on anything personal or controversial! LOL)
The whole blogging/internet world is great in one way but kind of scary in another. (And, of course, me being the glass half empty sort of person, usually zones in on the scary part.) The anonymity aspect lulls people into this sort of "I can say anything I want" kind of mindset which can be dangerous when people have nothing but nastyness to spew. Fortunately, I don't encounter that much on the sites I visit, but it's out there in abundance.
What I find amazing, though, is that even though I'm a totally anonymous being on the boards, I still feel the need for discretion when I post. I mean even though not many people know who I actually am, they do know me by my sign in and the opinions and words attached to that siggy is me. And that still means something to me. Does that make sense?
And there were a few times where I stopped myself because I knew my post would be out there everywhere and I just wasn't comfortable with that (even though my real name wasn't attached to it!). On the other hand, if all the people on the board where I was posting were sitting around a table in a restaurant I probably would have let loose! LOL Isn't that kind of funny?!
Because words on "paper" are a commitment.
Words said...can be forgotten.
Unless you said something damned funny. *LOL*
Permanent. That's what I meant to say: the written word is more permanent than words said. Words said only last as long as the storytellers of those who heard of it...and can get changed (and made better or worse)--but the written word is written forever. There. With your typos.
I'm a big believer that what you send out comes back to you. You put negative stuff out there, you get negative stuff back. That said, I have pretty strong opinions on some things. But I work hard to not cross lines on the WWW.
I have kept journals for many years though instead of filling a couple of books a year, I fill a book every few years. It did come back to me once when I wrote the words, "I WANT A DIVORCE" in my journal and guess who went snooping? LOL! But that really turned out for the best.
I'm careful about what I put out there about my child. I don't use her name often and I don't post pics of her either. Just something about predators and kids that makes me reluctant to put her out there for them to find.
Teri, I'm always baffled when I see all the pics people put of their kids on-line. Doing that would scare me. But what can you do? People everywhere do it. I just won't be one of them. And good for you for not doing it either.
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