Since Irish reminded me of it, I'm going to post some of my favorite quotations from The Life of Brian. Don't worry. You won't go to hell for laughing. Unlike some of His creations, God has a sense of humor. You should see the dates He sends me out with. Seriously.
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.
Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!
[they all stab themselves]
Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?
Reg: [arriving at Brian's crucifixion] Hello, Sibling Brian.
Brian: Thank God you've come, Reg.
Reg: Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, we are not, in fact, the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepare statement on behalf of the movement. "We the People's Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom. "
Brian: What?
Reg: "Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed, on behalf of the P. F. J. , etc. " And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration, for what you're doing for us, Brian, on what must be, after all, for you a very difficult time.
(This is my *favorite* scene)
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
Judith: [on Stan's desire to be a mother] Here! I've got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb - which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans' - but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother... sister, sorry.
Reg: What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
Spectator I: I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".
Mrs. Gregory: Aha, what's so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
Brian: What will they do to me?
Ben the Prisoner: Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
Brian: CRUCIFIXION?
Ben the Prisoner: Yeah, first offense.
Lead Singer Crucifee: [Dying on the cross] Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: some things in live are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble; give a whistle, and this'll help things turn out for the best. And... always look on the bright side of life...
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13 comments:
Oh, this is really awesome! I LOVE Monty Python. As soon as I started to read your post I wanted to pull the movie out and watch it, but I lent it out last week and haven't gotten it back yet.
I was at a gathering a few weeks ago with several other couples and we started talking about Monty Python. One of the guys said that I'm the only female he's met that likes them. I found that astonishing. I never really thought of their humor as a strictly male thing. Obviously he needs to start hanging out with some chicks that have a sense of humor!
This is probably going to get me stoned but I've never seen this movie.
*ducking for cover*
I've never been a big MP fan but I had a friend in HS that loved them. She used to sing that Lumberjack song all the time and even had a pin that said something about it being an Ex-parrot. LOL!
I need to watch this movie. How have I missed it all these years?!
Irish, I hear the MP is guy humor all the time. Mac was always impressed I liked MP, since so few chicks did. *LOL* Hey, they have a British accent...hello. But they're stupid, but IRONIC. What's not to love?
Don't worry, I didn't get The Holy Grail the first couple times I watched it. You really have to be in the right mood to appreciate it. *LOL* It's really dumb humor, but it is funny. "Help, I'm being repressed!" The Knight who gets all his limbs cut off is kinda dumb, the abbey of nuns who want spankings and oral sex absolutely crack me up. I still don't get the rabbit bomb--that was dumb.
Terri, I'm not surprised you haven't watched it. It's dumb humor in the vein of Will Ferrell. It's why I can appreciate Talladega Nights. But naturally since everyone is British, there is more thinking involved. The bit with the Latin graffiti is hysterical, and is at once stupid but funny in a smart way. Plus with the overall theme of "What IF they made a mistake about Jesus being the son of God? What IF he was a Brian?" is rather thought provoking. *LOL*
That's why I'm now curious to watch this. It's simple humor but smart and making a point. LOL! The what if stuff.
TN does not make a point. You don't watch that and ask, "What if Richard Petty really ISN'T the king?" LOL!
Sounds totally different to me.
No, but it does make me ask: What if people who watch/do NASCAR aren't near as hick-like as I assume? What if they really are good people...smart people even?
I assure you I never asked that before watching the movie.
You just had to go and say something positive about that movie that you knew would make me agree with you. Man, I hate when you do that.
It's true MP is very intelligent, IMO, and thought provoking. They also show how absurd life is. No one is spared. As the DH likes to say they are equal opportunity offenders.
Terri, you have to watch LIFE OF BRIAN, especially growing up Catholic. You'd totally get the humor. I have to admit that I like the The Holy Grail better than Life of Brian or The Meaning of Life, but they are all worth watching. One of my favorite scenes in The Holy Grail is the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. I have that sound bite on my computer. Cracks me up all the time!
The DH just got Talladega Nights last week and was watching it the other night. He was down in the basement and I could hear him laughing all through the house. He comes upstairs to grab something to eat in the middle of it. I ask what're watching? He says TN and you would definitely not like it!
TN is red-necky but it's funny. Will's wife in the movie flashes her boobs at him after a race and says, "Hey driver, drive these!" Then does a drunken yell. (I mean, who hadn't done that, right?)
And he gets this fixated look on his face, rather like he's just seen Mecca (men are so easy sometimes) and says: "Please be 18."
Apparently she is, because the next bit is a montage of bad wedding photos. Complete with the red devil eyes. Real professional.
The gay jokes get old. *eye roll* But otherwise, I laughed like a freaking hyena.
I like Life of Brian better than Holy Grail...but I think because it was so satirical funny. And Holy Grail was less thought-provoking. Just the "What'd he say?" "I think he said Blessed are the cheesemakers..." and while laughing you're thinking, WOW, people interpret emails incorrectly and can't spell...can you imagine the margin of error for the Bible, then?
The DH told me about the "Please be 18!" comment - one of the scenes he found hilarious. He said she obviously wasn't cause the next scene was him having to marry her!
That is true about Life of Brian being more thought provoking. Just the fact that they came up with the idea blows my mind and then all the little nuances they throw in there just keep building until the ultimate absurdity of the "Always Look On The Bright Side of Life" ending scene.
The scenes in Holy Grail that kill me are the French taunter, the prince that just wants to sing, the she's a witch scene, and the scene where John Cleese comes in and kills all the wedding guests. I can't count how many times we quote all those scenes in my house. The DH does those stupid guards watching the doors in the castle every time I try to give him instructions about something. And "Let's not bicker about who killed who..." is used quite a lot too when he does something blatantly selfish or self serving.
It's pretty funny, actually, cause my kids are going to watch that movie at some future date and recognize almost all the lines in it from their daily lives.
I forgot to add the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch - I think that scene really speaks to the absurdity of some of the Bible passages. I can see myself as a young one sitting in church listening to some of the stuff they read from the Bible and thinking... you're kidding right?!
Favorite scenes from Holy Grail:
Well, the Abbey scene: "I want to face the peril!" "No, it's too perilous!"
The coconut swallow scene...that is the height of absurd.
"Help! I'm being repressed!"
I haven't watched it in a while. I can't remember as easily...but the spankings/oral sex bit is my favorite. It's such a guy thing to have written. "Hi, we're all virgins between the ages of 16-21, blonde and brunette..." I mean really. *LOL*
I can unfortunately name more TN scenes that were hilarious to me. The scene right after the Grace "Dear Lord Baby Jesus" where Will and his wife get into a "You're so hot!" battle and start having sex on the table in front of everyone...and Cal holds her hair out of the food. Thoughtful friend. Really.
See, the holy hand grenade doesn't do anything for me. I guess I didn't think about it that way though. *LOL* You're right...there are things where you go, "Huh? What were they smoking?" The killer rabbit just makes me roll my eyes. *LOL*
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