Science

I never had a fondness for Science. Absolutely sucked at it. In fact, I barely scraped by with a "B" in my human sexuality class. Hello. I mean, I could have sex!--but I could never answer the questions like, "What percentage of Catholics use birth control?" I don't know. I put down 80%. It said that it was a much lower percentage. I think there are some Catholics that are going to hell for lying.

In college I took a History of Science class--mainly because I had the hots for the professor. Smart men do that to me...because I assure you he wasn't really anything to look at. But again it was science related, and as we know, I suck, so I spent a lot of time writing little rhyming poems. Usually about the professor. Like this one.

Applied Scientific Theory

I’ve this bit of knowledge to impart:
Love’s more a Science than an Art,
Measured by mind and body as well as the heart,
Each part counted and a counterpart.
You do not believe me; I see your smiles—
But Love’s more a Science than mere Sexual Wiles.

Gravity began it—this physical attraction,
The force that pulls us into animal action…
And for every motion, there’s an equal opposite action
To ensure and enhance your sublime satisfaction.
Oh ho, so now I’ve your attention, I see your eyes,
The interest therein that you cannot disguise.

Circles are countered by a swirl of the hips
And moans are exchanged by the suction of lips;
Electricity is currented through fingertips,
And Topography mapped by tiny kissing sips.
Surely you can conclude this art is a Science.
It should be called in Latin, Sexology-ience.

Potential energy becomes actual as your hand touches me,
Quantums leaping with indivisibility.
Your kiss is kinetic, like a cliff-diving spree,
A leap into Knowledge and insanity.
The equation of X and Y minus all inhibitions
Equals lust expounded by frictionous fission.

Friction, sweet friction, when our bodies collide
Reaching for an Eternity we won’t be denied.
This is so much the sweeter, I truly must confide
When I feel your heartbeat from the inside
Biological emotions enrapture my veins,
Smoldering until only embers remain.

Our kisses evolve beyond evolution,
Circling like suns in an orbital revolution,
Sinking us further into the Delusion,
Sweeping us deeper into sweeter Confusion.
Thermodynamics fissions into chemistry
As your scientific method converts my energy.

Newton may be faulty, but Einstein’s sublime:
Especially once he theorized Relative Time.
I’m no longer certain what is yours and what is mine—
I just know that Science as this is surely Divine.
Galileo saw the Heavens, and now, so do we,
Scattered and shattered across a wide galaxy.


Of course, I'm *sure* scientifically much of this doesn't pan out...but it's called poetic license--and I already told you I barely passed my Science classes.

I got an A in the class, by the way. *cheeky smile* Yeah, I might have sucked with the concept, but I could write like a dream. And my bullshit skills are unmatched. Of course, my buddy Justin swore it was because I wore short skirts and sucked on Blow Pops all through class--but I assured him the professor didn't notice. I think Justin got a B.