Movie Season Is Upon Us

I love this time of year: the morel mushrooms are all over the place (and God, they're good) and the hype for summer movies is at full throttle.

My former boss isn't intrigued by the movie selection this year, but man, I'm hyped. (Okay, not the in same sort of hyped I was last year at this time, when I was literally counting the minutes until I got to see Sweet Jack again...but there can be only one Pirates of the Caribbean. Or three, maybe four if they work out the details. Whatever.)

Speaking of sequels I'll toss my money at, Indiana Jones is coming back to the big screen. Granted it's been almost 20 years and lately, Indy has been looking a bit worse for wear, but they're bringing back Marion, too. And there might be a "secret baby" (all grown up), being that Indy's sidekick in this movie is a 21 year old guy who has some "personal business" with Indy. That is one secret baby plot I can get behind. I've been dying for Marion and Indy to have some babies, and just the THOUGHT that might be what's going on has me excited! He's still got the hat and the whip...and that devilish look about him. AND he's an archaeologist! Hello, the older you get, the more interested he is in you.

This weekend I'll be seeing Made of Honor, which Patrick Dempsey has become my favorite movie leading man. Loved him in Enchanted, and I think he'll be just as enchanting here. This weekend, What Happens In Vegas also will be out--and though I'm sure it's not going to win any awards, it still looks amusing. Campy and funny...and the same plot device we've seen in about three other Ashton Kutcher movies, but whatever. Looks amusing. Anything to distract me from my dreary life.

In June, I've picked my "Get Out of Jail BAD Movie" Movie: The Love Guru. I've already raved about this at the ship, because it features, at some point, Justin Timberlake in a speedo and sporting a pornstache. I'm so there, baby. I don't care how bad it is, it looks funny.

Of course, Adam Sandler's summer movie comes out like a week before him (maybe two), and it looks like it has some merit as well. Politically incorrect, cheap laughs, and I'm sure an ending where he saves it from being a completely themeless movie.

So it's clear I'm going to be spending a lot of my time at the movie theater this summer--which is good because I don't have AC anyway. What movies will you be seeing and what are you excited about?

Fall

There are many notable things about Fall. It's not so bleeping hot you can fry eggs on the sidewalk. The leaves turn and it's gorgeous with the sunlight reflecting off the trees. The students are back in town, so the driving is abysmal. People start talking about football like I actually care.

And the movies start getting better.

Now, you say, "Hellion, how can they get better than POTC: At World's End?" Right you are. It can't. And you'll be thrilled to note the third movie will be making it's way to DVD on December 4th, what, 2 months away? It IS on my Christmas list if anyone is looking to bequeath me with the normal gestures of goodwill and generosity.

But after all, summer releases are really all about the male ages 14-25. Wedding Crashers. Spiderman. Harry Potter. Yes, even my beloved Pirates is designed with the "male ages 14-25" in mind. Which I find quite unfortunate because all the males I've ever known between those ages have no taste whatsoever in what qualifies as a great movie, with the notable exceptions of Pirates and HP, obviously.

But finally these goobers go back to school come Fall, and Hollywood starts catering to the rest of us--those not male and between the ages of 14-25. And who probably don't care for football.

For instance, Oct 12: Elizabeth: The Golden Age. This has Cate Blanchett revisiting her role (of which she rocked) as Elizabeth I. This time instead of rocking the bedsheets with Joseph Fiennes (God, he's hot), she'll be rocking them with Clive Owen (who's hotter.) I don't see a lot of males between 14-25 going to see this movie, do you?

Further out is The Kite Runner. Based off a book I'm sure I should have read and didn't--and it looks like I'll be sobbing into my popcorn at the end.

Way out, Beowulf. Finally I can know what happened in the story I never read. Either in high school or college. Looks actiony enough to draw the boys.

Some low brow stuff to amuse me: The Comebacks, Fred Claus....

Love in the Time of Cholera! Hey, that sounds promising as an uber-chick flick!

And finally, Enchanted...which looks hysterical, even though predictable.

I also really want to see: Across the Universe, which features Beatles' music and has a character named Jude. It's out now...I need to see it ASAP.

Any movies you're looking forward to? Anyone seen Across and can recommend or not?

Hellion: The Musical

In the movie, Singing in the Rain, there is this "musical within a musical" effect. The movie itself is a musical, but it also has a plot twist of actors who are moving from the silent screen to talking pictures--and get the bold idea of making a musical. (Of course, considering the lead actress can't even talk prettily, never mind sing, this gives Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds time to make moon eyes at each other as they sing and speak the talking parts of the "talking picture.") Great movie. Classic bit with the umbrella and the dancing in the rain. Donald O'Connor makes a particularly memorable sidekick.

In Anchors Aweigh, the first musical I watched outside of the children classic standbys of Mary Poppins and Sound of Music, I fell in love with Gene Kelly. Madly. "Get there? Oh, darlin', you know I'll get there." And my soul soared at hearing Frank Sinatra sing that lullaby to the much adorable kid who would grow up to be the sidekick to the Quantam Leap guy. It was here I also met Kathryn Grayson, who also starred in my much favorite: Show Boat. Howard Keel and Kathryn fall in love on the river--and he's a roguish river gambler; and she's the innocent boat captain's daughter. There is a dark, sad angsty twist where the gorgeous Ava Gardner is exposed as a mulatto--and is forced to leave the ship (it was neither the captain's nor Ava's idea...but it was the time period, unfortunately.)

Howard also does roguish pioneer man well too. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is campy, fun, and as deep as a Arizona mudpuddle--but boy, it is a good time. When the six brothers are pining for the town girls and Howard comes in and says, "Well, why don't you do something about it? The Romans would have carried them off! It's right here in Millie's book!"--and what do they do? They kidnap the town girls. The movie is worth the barn-raising dance-off alone. (My friend Holler would beg to differ, but I think it's a great movie.)

Howard was a man of many musicals. I also loved him in Kiss Me, Kate--again, Kathryn Grayson--and he's ever so rakish as he sings, "Where lately is the life I led?" Though he's perhaps not half so rakish as Harve Presnell in The Unsinkable Molly Brown. That movie has some slow points...Holler would probably say they were all slow...but there is this scene where he's teaching her how to read, and he's watching her in such a way you know he's thinking of her naked. Which ironically he's already seen her naked, but...never mind, you'd have to watch the movie. So he sings this song to Molly called, "I'll never say no to you..." Dead sexy.

There are the more obscure musicals like The Pirate and Can-Can (Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra respectively), which while not as memorable as Seven Brides or Singing are still wonderful...and fun.

And these are just the MGM Golden Era of Musicals...I haven't even gotten to Moulin Rouge, Chicago, et al, which have slowly been making their way into the film biz once more.

So I got to thinking (always a frightening pastime), and I wondered what would Hellion: The Musical look like. I mean, never mind the fact I can't sing. Would my childhood years feature songs from Hank Williams, Sr and Johnny Cash; then my pre-teen/teenage years have all 80s music and big hair bands; and the 90s, four hours of George Strait songs? Would I have Waylon's theme from The Dukes of Hazzard, or would I use his Never Could Toe The Mark? Would everyone be dressed in jeans and t-shirts, my obvious choice apparel, or would everyone be in pageant-themed looking outfits, lots of "Halloween" outfits, depending on the mood at the time? Perhaps a pirate theme, and a Medieval theme...and a Regency theme...and whatever else might fit my whimsy.

What do you think Hellion: The Musical would have in it? And what if your life was a musical, what songs do you think would make the list? Who would play you on Broadway? I'd have Kate Winslet play me, of course...ha, ha, Mike the Titanic would eat his words then....

Favorite Romantic "Forbidden" Movie

I usually want what I can't have. The more forbidden something is, the more enticing it is. I don't like apples, but I guarantee you if I'd been Eve and that was the fruit, I would have had a batch of them whipped up for supper, served with a side of caramel sauce. (Because everything is better with a side of caramel sauce.)

I think my interest in the Forbidden carries well into my whole obsessive side of my nature too--so really I enjoy having compatible parts of myself. (By the way, I ordered a Captain Jack Sparrow doll that speaks. I'm sure I'll be blogging about it soon.)

So last night, I tapped into my obsessive/forbidden side by watching The Scarlet Letter. This pushed buttons on about every level. It has Gary Oldman (who plays Sirius Black in Harry Potter films), who looks extremely hot in this film. (Those eyes. *swoons*) It has that FORBIDDEN romance between the married woman and her minister. (Normally I would never think of jumping my minister, but understandably, he looks nothing like Gary from this movie.) And because they "freely adapted" from the original story, it has an ending where they finally get together at the end (though it's said he dies before their child gets to be a teenager, et al, blah, blah, blah.)

Doesn't matter. They ride off triumphantly out of town, their adulterous love a victory at last.

Yes, yes, only in fiction, right? (Though I do know an amazing amount of adulterous affairs turned marriages that are hanging around, looking rather victorious. Funnily enough, they morph into regular old marriages where everyone is fighting about who left the toothpaste cap off the toothpaste.)

I also watched Dracula, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only person (except maybe Dracula) who went, "Oh, that's so romantic! He cursed God because he lost his true love...and then...and then...she broke the curse. Their love broke the curse!" Now mind you, there is about another hour and fifty minutes of non-romantic stuff...and some bestiality, but I was distilling it to its purest elements for you guys. Dracula is a love story.

You'll also notice that Gary Oldman was in Dracula. Yes, I know. I'm having a Gary month.

So what is your favorite forbidden? What is your favorite movie with a forbidden element? (Or do you prefer your movies slightly less "forbidden" and more sweet?)

Friday Music Blog: At World's End

My obsessions know no bounds. Some say I have the making of great stalker material, but I like to think I'm more along the lines of: joie de vivre.

We all know Captain Jack has been my raison d'etre--okay, probably still is. (Harry does run pretty neck and neck, but if both of them were going to get hit by a bus, I'd save Jack first.)

Last Friday, after a spectacular bit of drinking with Sin at the local Trops (I had a half pina colada, half rum rummer, which was funnily enough called: A Pain In The Ass--how apt), we roamed around a bit and ended up at the local Target. We roamed the mall; but I soon began hunting for POTC: At World's End, the soundtrack.

One of my favorite music purchases for me is to buy soundtracks. I must own more soundtracks than...well, anyone. I have a Harry Potter one, yes. But Target did not have said soundtrack; the mall closed and I couldn't return to the music store and get the lone copy they had. Sin and I parted ways around 10, and I darted off to the local Wal-Mart to find the soundtrack. (I can be very relentless in my pursuit of something, I know.)

And there it was. A lone copy--right there at eye level--and I skipped out of the store (after I paid for it) and played it all the way home. And all week, really. At work. In the car. If I had a CD player in my room, I'd probably play it for when I went to sleep at night. I went and found the lyrics for the "Hoist the Colors" song; and I sing along with the little boy in the first track. (The words are very interesting by the way.)

My favorite track is probably #11. It's the one where Jack and Davy fight on the main mast. I love that...bit...the rise and fall of it. It's so exhilirating. The track that immediately follows is the one that's for Will and Elizabeth--and it's so romantic and heartbreaking, I get choked up all the time listening to it.

Do you like movie soundtracks? Do you own any? Which ones and why? And can you listen to a soundtrack and pinpoint where in the movie we're at?

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do...?

To say I was excited when Disney decided to do two more Pirates of the Caribbean would be the understatement of the decade. To add to my level of excitement--they made Norrington a badass! And we know how much I love my men with a lovely layer of BAD to them. And except for the bit where Jack gets swallowed at the end and it abruptly ENDS, the second one was just as good as the first.

And it truly is a tie for me as Norrington has some delicious lines in this film, like when he says to Elizabeth, "There was a time I would have done anything for you to look at me like that." And he laughs when she denies she feels nothing for Jack. Yes, we all laughed, Commodore, we all laughed.

In three more days the third installment will hit the theaters. I already have my tickets for the Sneak Peak on Thursday (8 pm). *does a little pirate dance*

And here's my favorite quotes, mostly from the bad-asses, in movie 2 for your enjoyment! What's your favorite part of the 2nd movie? What do you hope will happen in the 3rd?

Jack Sparrow: [With his back to Elizabeth, thinking that she is a man] Come to join my crew, son?
Elizabeth Swann: I'm here to find my true love.
Jack Sparrow: [Startled] Deeply flattered, boy, but my first and only love is the sea.
Elizabeth Swann: Meaning Will Turner, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: [Turning around] Elizabeth!
[to a crew member]
Jack Sparrow: Hide the rum.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: We are very much alike, you and I, I and you... us.
Elizabeth Swann: Oh. Except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center. And personal hygiene.
Jack Sparrow: [Sniffs his armpit and looks back] Trifles.
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: Jack, the letters, give them back.
Jack Sparrow: No. Persuade me.
Elizabeth Swann: You do know Will taught me how to handle a sword.
Jack Sparrow: As I said, persuade me.
* * *
Norrington: [drunk and angry] So am I worthy to serve under Captain Jack Sparrow...
[he draws his pistol and points it at Jack, who is hiding behind a pole]
Norrington: ... or should I just kill you now?
Jack Sparrow: [tries and fails to hide behind his pole] You're hired!
Norrington: Sorry. Old habits and all that.
[smiles and prepares to pull the trigger]
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you will have a chance to show it. To do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something!
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: [to Jack] Curiosity. You're going to want it. A chance to be admired, and gain the rewrds that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like.
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: Why doesn't your compass work?
Jack Sparrow: ...My compass works fine.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.
* * *
Elizabeth Swann: [chains Jack to the pearl] It's after you, not the ship... It's not us. This is the only way, don't you see?
[leans in as if to kiss him, then pulls away]
Elizabeth Swann: I'm not sorry.
Jack Sparrow: [smiles] Pirate.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: [to Norrington] You look bloody awful. What are you doing here?
Norrington: You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.
Jack Sparrow: You smell funny.
* * *
Jack Sparrow: [to Elizabeth] You know, these clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.

Wednesday's Movie Blog One Day Late

As you might know (or maybe not), I’ve been out sick a lot this week; however, I think it would be a travesty if I didn’t post my Movie Blog this week, especially when I was going to write about Pirates of the Caribbean. I mean, I’m sick—I ain’t dead. And this is by far, my favorite movie to put on when I’m sick…or well…or writing…or reading…or having sex….

Kidding with the last one. Haven’t actually tried that one yet—probably would though. That sounds like something I’d do.

I remember seeing the theatrical trailer for this flick in 2002, when they were advertising their 2003 blockbusters. I was with my friend Jackie at the time, in a theater that actually knows the meaning of stadium seating—and the screen is even larger than most movie screens. It came on, the soundtrack pounding in the background, and I was like a five-year-old seeing a movie for the first time—the thrill of excitement chilling down my arm, my popcorn hanging limply from my fingers as I stared, openmouthed at the screen—“Yo ho, yo ho” the little girl sing-songed—and there was Captain Jack Sparrow, turning for his three-quarter stance and smiling over his shoulder with his gun near his face.

I nearly swooned out of my chair and landed into the Cinemuck on the floor.

I didn’t blink for the minute and a half that trailer teased us—I didn’t breathe. And when it was over, Jackie and I turned as one, looked at each other, and said, “We’re so seeing that.” And we did. And we were total lunatics about it. We laughed hysterically throughout the whole movie. I probably hadn’t enjoyed a movie that much since the first Harry Potter movie (when I hadn’t even known who Harry Potter was or cared).

So just in case you’ve been living under a rock, I’m going to share my favorite moments and dialogue:

Will Turner: You cheated.
Jack Sparrow: Pirate.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [to Weatherby Swann] I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.
Jack Sparrow: I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that.
[to Commodore Norrington]
Jack Sparrow: Elizabeth... it would never have worked between us darling. I'm sorry... Will... nice hat. Friends... This is the day that you will ALWAYS remember as the day that you...
[backs up and trips over ledge]

* * *

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [looking at all the swords] Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I do. And I practice with them three hours a day.
Jack Sparrow: You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?

* * *

Jack Sparrow: Stop blowing holes in my ship!

* * *

Will Turner: We're going to steal a ship? That ship?
Jack Sparrow: Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will Turner: I'd die for her.
Jack Sparrow: Oh good. No worries then.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [Imitating Elizabeth] "It must have been terrible for you, Jack. Must have been terrible." Well, it bloody is now.
[Seeing Norrington's ship off shore]
Jack Sparrow: There'll be no living with her after this.

* * *

Jack Sparrow: [Wakes up and sees Elizabeth burning the rum] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum!
Elizabeth: Yes, the rum is gone.
Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth: One: because it is a *vile* drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me, do you think there is even the slightest chance they wont see it?
Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?

So what's your favorite Jack moment?

Tin Cup

I admit it. I love Kevin Costner. I don’t necessarily love his movies, but I love that man. The first time I remember watching a Kevin Costner movie, I was 16 and it was Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. He didn’t have an English accent—so why he was Robin Hood was anyone’s guess; he didn’t have a butt you could necessarily bounce a quarter off of since he does give rise to the theory that all white men have frog butts; and he had a mullet. Then again, pretty much everyone had a mullet then—so that could be overlooked.

None of these facts mattered to me. The man was hot—H-A-W-T, hot, and I couldn’t wait until it came out on VHS so I could own it. He instantly rocketed to the top of my list of men I’d love to marry (or whatever). He remained there for a good ten years; and he’s shifted up and down the listing over the years, but he’s definitely still in the top twenty of “Boy, would I—and where are my handcuffs” category.

Soon after listing him thusly, I got to do some catching up with other movies of his: Silverado (boy, is he adorable in this!) and Bull Durham (which in my opinion is the definitive Costner movie). Other movies came: Dances With Wolves (good); Waterworld (geez, Kev, what were you thinking?) and JFK (jury’s still out on that one). Then came Tin Cup.

Arguments can be made and defended this is really Bull Durham with golf clubs. You would be right—and you would be wrong. But it’s Kevin Costner at what he does best. Cocky, but insecure good old boy who has to overcome himself and then wins the girl in the end. I’m assuming it’s not a real acting stretch for darlin’ Kevin, but who cares?

The dialogue and actions in this movie are quite hysterical. Or maybe it’s only hysterical to me since I can identify with said hero who would willingly self-destruct just to make a point. “Give me another ball.” The last fifteen minutes of the movie are just painful to watch, but you can’t turn away. Fortunately, it all works out anyway. Sorta. He at least gets the girl. (And by the way, when he starts kissing her on the couch? *fans self*)

Since quotations and movie quotes are possibly my favorite thing in the world—you should see the number of Quotation Reference books I have on my shelves and the scores of quotes stored on my computer—I will list my favorite quotes from this movie.

Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.

Dr. Molly Griswold: There's no such thing as semi-platonic.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well there ought to be.

Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Does my inner child need a spanking?

Do you have any favorite movie quotes? Any favorite Kevin quotes? Favorite Kevin Costner kisses? Because I have to say the sex scene from Bull Durham is definitive for me! Sign me up and lay me in the spilled milk, baby.

Stranger Than Fiction: Movie Blog

I love movies. I love to rewatch movies; and I adore DVDs because I can immediately rewind bits of it and watch something again and again. When Stranger Than Fiction came to big screen, I, of course, went. A writer with writer's block who is inadvertently going to kill someone who actually exists? Front row, holding popcorn, don't talk to me.

The dialogue is hysterical at times; the characters are real and heartbreaking and wonderful. We all wish we could write characters that are as big as life as Harold Crick, who is admittedly the most boring, reviled man on the planet--and yet, you can't help wonder what will happen to him and love him for all his quirks.

The scene where he brings Anna the "flours" to apologize--I cried. I mean, flowers are a thoughtful gesture to begin with; but flours for a baker? That's the most romantic thing I've ever seen. And then she invites him up to her apartment, and he sees the guitar and she suggests he play a song. "I won't laugh." No, he says, maybe some other time. She doesn't press, but when she goes to the kitchen, you see him think about it. After all, this is a movie about the imminent death of Harold--and he realizes, he might not have another time to play her his song--and so, he plays it. It's shakey; it's a bit painful; and it's heartbreakingly sweet and romantic. And I definitely started crying again.

So this blog is for Harold, an inspiration to all us boring, reviled non-heroes who are just living our normal lives when it suddenly occurs to us that we don't have forever. "When I was young boy, my mother said to me there's only one girl in the world for you. She probably lives in Tahiti. I'd go the whole wide world, I'd go the whole world just to find her...."

And because Harold is in love with numbers:

POTC3 comes out in 36.46 days, or about 5 weeks, and 1 1/2 days.

Eloisa's new book comes out in 40.46 days.

The new Ranger book comes out in 61.46 days (2 months, 1 1/2 days)

JQ's Secret Diaries comes out in 68.46 days

Harry Potter vanquishes Voldie in 93.46 days. (3 months, 3 1/2 days)

Sherrilyn Kenyon's next Darkhunter book is out in 110.46 days.

Blades of Glory

It's almost 2 pm central time, and I'm currently hyped up on leaded Pepsi. (Leaded Pepsi would be a term to indicated it's not diet; and that I'm feeling the hyper-burn of both sugar and caffeine. Oh, yeah, baby.) The only thing holding me to my desk, other than that absurb Puritanical Work Ethic (which isn't very ethical if I'm typing this, right?), is that in about 3 hours I'll get to take off like a prom dress and drive like Ricky Bobby to the nearest theater and watch that sure to be nominated for an oscar, Blades of Glory.

I am psyched out of my mind.

I am in need of a Will Ferrell pick me up. I'm even willing to put up that dorky Napoleon jackass to watch the film, and a few months ago, I wasn't sure I would be. I am mentally prepared. The trailers look hysterical. Hell, even the critics gave it a rating of B! They never give movie ratings anything particularly high! Hell, Braveheart is one of my favorite movies of all time, and the critics only gave it a B+, which coincidentally is the same grade they gave to Amazing Grace, which I thought deserved an A as well.

Yeah, a B is paramount to getting summa cum laude on the critic circuit. This movie should have me giggling for days. And that would rock, because I need a laugh. I also need my Taco Bell--when is my co-worker going to return with my lunch?

What's your favorite pick-me-up laugh-for-days movie? Do you have a favorite Will Ferrell movie?

The Period Piece

I’m a movie junkie. It’s a flaw, yet at the same time helpful whenever I’m playing a game of Scene It. (Not that anyone wants to play with me.) Over the weekend, when I should have been working on a quilt block (which I made and it totally sucked), I went to see Amazing Grace.

This movie has all the elements of a Hellion movie.

1) It was a period piece. I love period pieces. I have quite a collection of PP movies. Dangerous Beauty; Braveheart; Rob Roy; Elizabeth; Pride & Prejudice (the long and the short versions); Sense & Sensibility (with Alan Rickman and his Voice, “Hello”—which subliminally says “take off your clothes and lie on the couch”); Pearl Harbor; The Notebook; The Patriot (Braveheart in America); Titanic (yes, I own Titanic—the ironies abound); Shakespeare in Love; and undoubtedly eons more.

2) It rips your heart out. I love to start crying at Hollywood manufactured, totally manipulative emotional scenes. I sniffle like I have a bad allergic reaction and my eyes get all teary, and if someone dies I was real partial to (see: Braveheart), I start crying like mad. Not shaking sobs though, but the real painful, silent, devastated crying where you want to curl up in your seat with your blanket and cry, cry, cry.

3) It’s inspirational. After Braveheart, I was little Miss Freedom. And I was almost Anti-England. “No, no, I love Scotland, not…” hiss “England.” Right, whatever. After The Patriot, I was all “England sucks” again—and America rules. And after this one, I sat in my seat going, “I really need a passionate cause because I’m not doing anything great with my life.” Mind you, I have as much desire to become a missionary and assume a missionary position as I do to scrub a toilet. Actually I’d rather scrub the toilet—it wouldn’t last as long and it wouldn’t require me going to a questionable third world country where I might die of dysentery. (Yeah, I know Amazing Grace isn’t about missionaries, but being that there aren’t any more slaves in America or England—I was speaking of a passionate cause that would be available to me.)

4) The lead-guy is so totally hot. (I’m really amazed at myself that I didn’t put this as my first element. I feel like I’m growing as a person.) Ioan Gruffudd (YO-an GRIFF-ith) was a hottie as Horatio Hornblower, and he’s a hottie as a bible-thumping near-preacher-now-politician. Those curls, that romantic brow, those melting dark eyes—hello fellow Welshman!

So what are you favorite kinds of movies, why, and what is possibly your most favorite movie of that genre?