Ranger, Ranger, Ranger

Six days until a new Plum book hits the stands. Apparently this one will be much like the other twelve: no resolution in regards to the Morelli and Ranger debate. Much like reaching a conclusion of 'whose side Snape is really on', it seems Janet is loathe to make her commitments known. She loves instead to play her “The Lady or The Tiger” card and leave us fans squirming and wailing in the background, wishing for our commercial fiction to have a bit less ambiguity and a lot more Ranger.

Because face it, it’s gotta be Ranger.

And in honor of that Man of Mystery, let’s list the top 10 things you can (and should) do with Ranger, should you ever cross paths:

1.) Have him ruin you for all other men
2.) Drive his car—and get it hijacked, or at least suitably wrecked
3.) Take him out for pie
4.) Think of new and impressive ways to amuse him, mainly by being yourself
5.) Elope to Vegas—this will be especially exciting since he’s got a warrant out for him in Nevada
6.) Invite your wily, sex-crazed grandmother over to hit on him; laugh when he squirms
7.) Give him a bubble bath—and use a lot of that good-smelling soap of his as you suds him up
8.) Exchange sexually-charged banter for hours—then go home and take a cold shower (it’s what Janet does to Stephanie in every episode of the Ranger show)
9.) Dress up in your best CFM outfit and pretend you’re helping him catch a mark
10.)Have him ruin you for all other men—because the first time, while memorable, is never
enough

Anything special you’d like to do with Ranger?

One More Day...and Then onto a Different Obsession

What? you say in your Scooby Doo voice. A different obsession? Yeah, yeah, I'll get to that. First, PIRATES.

Tomorrow I get to go see my sneak peek of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. *does pirate dance, lots of interpretative movements* VERY EXCITED...which anyone could tell you I am from the manifesto I wrote Monday at Romance Vagabonds about Everything I Learned About Writing I Learned From Captain Jack Sparrow, a Tolstoyian length opus of all things Jack. Bless my obsessed little heart.

I have my shirt laid out to wear tomorrow. A pirate shirt. (I'm wearing a different pirate shirt today; but tomorrow's will have Jack's pretty face on it.)

I really need this movie because I'm truly sick of folders, reports, Excel, folders, report data I can't get from faculty, and Excel--I really loathe, despise and abominate everything that is Excel. What a fucking stupid program, Bill Gates...or whoever wrote it. (I blame Bill, regardless.) *sighs* ANYWAY...Pirates is tomorrow...then a 4 day weekend to stay at home (and not drive and spend gas--which is like gold dust at the pumps now)--and possibly work on my book. Ha, ha.

Oh, the new obsession. (See the report has so scattered me...I'm rambling. I don't even have a THEME. What does that tell you? It tells you I need to see this damned movie and have a four day weekend!)

Lean, Mean Thirteen will be the next obsession. Sin wrote me in a funk that the reviews of this book aren't that good. I feel bad for her. I adore Ranger...but I've never thought the mysteries or hijinks of any of these books (EXCEPT 12, which we all agree was DIFFERENT and AWESOME) were anything but frothy wanna-be mysteries. (Sin has said the same; we agree that on the level of suspense and actually keeping the mystery a secret or tense until the end of the book is NOT Janet's strength here...it's characters and making us want to "watch the Stephanie Plum Show", which we do.)

Apparently this is another frothy wanna-be mystery in which Stephanie bumbles her way to figuring out the mystery a la Bridget Jones: Bounty Hunting in Trenton, while meanwhile juggling both Ranger and Morelli (whose apparent script for this entire book was to watch TV and eat potato chips--GOODNESS, I bet it's hard for Stephanie to make a decision in her love life...)

I'm sure this is no big surprise to either of us--because let's face it, we KNOW there is at least one more book she's contracted for...so it's obvious she's not going to resolve anything in the relationship line. Although I think the fact that Morelli is eating chips and being the Ultimate Lazy Man With Attitude, should be a big fat indicator that when Janet DOES decide to end these books--we know she's going with Ranger.

Of course, let's also be real. The Cupcakes and The Babes are too much like the Jets and the Sharks. If Janet, even though she's in the Babe camp, did write the end of the book clearly to say "Stephanie marries Ranger, has his 12 kids, and moves onto having a reality-TV bounty hunter series"--the Sharks (Cupcakes) would mafia her ass. I imagine she's going to "Lady Or The Tiger" this series and just piss off both factions entirely--and let us duke it out amongst ourselves who Stephanie stays with.

It's Ranger. We *know* it's Ranger. The Cupcakes will just have to suck it up.

Good Old Monday

POTC3: comes out in 45 days
Ranger: Babes us in 70 days. (What's that? 9 weeks?)
Harry: Hopefully doesn't die in 102 days.

Coffee Date is tomorrow, after work.

Gary Allan, by the way, the best thing to happen to Country Music.